My future really hadn’t been on my mind at all because I’ve been focused on my race and staying present. It’s funny though, looking back on my thoughts and prayers with God throughout these past months. I kept saying, “God I will go ANYWHERE but home”. I was so ready to alumni team lead or continue my education through a discipleship program through AIM. I wanting to keep going, keep moving. Telling God it was His choice as long as it wasn’t home.
In Ethiopia I was sitting with my squad leader, Taylor and she was telling me the three year plan that Seth Barnes (founder of World Race) had created. Pretty much this idea of you do your race and then go on and do two more years of being in a community such as the one I am now. A space to get discipled or disciple others. A three year pause from life to grow in intimacy with God and learn the tools to then re-enter life with Him at the core.
When she finished talking about this plan I felt such a yes in my spirit, that was what I was going to do!!
Knowing myself and my enthusiasm I decided to keep it very open handed and to see what God was saying, still having the mindset of not home.
This mindset stayed until we got to Awakening in Costa Rica and I went to a session on CGA (Center of Global Action). I figured either CGA or Alumi Team leading was next in this three year plan. I go to this meeting and one of the first things KaeLane (one of the main teachers of CGA) said was the three year plan. I felt every bell ring YES for CGA and it really did feel so right. I prayed about it and started to look into it as my next step.
I mostly put it on the back burner because of all the warnings from my leaders to not think about the future too much, to not create expectations and to allow room for God to work. It was still so exciting and I felt so much peace.
Then about a week later, during my week in Masatepe we had an evening where our ministry hosts touched based on the future. Sharing their own story and how God told them only a couple of months after they were married to sell everything and move to Nicaragua. Wow. Talk about letting God hold the future in His hands. That night everyone went around the circle and shared what they thought the future looked for them. Almost all of us said, “I have no idea”. I love that God only gives us one step at a time and only when we’re ready.
Literally while we were sitting there God spoke to me and said you’re going home. Immediate panic filled me and I asked him why, why do I have to go home. I thought I was supposed to do this three year plan.
Panic of having to really rely on God’s strength and lies filling my head- lies like “I didn’t have it together enough to go home and be a person God wanted me to be.” How that has changed!
Yes, I am still doing a three year plan, I just made it my own and added a fourth. So, after the race I will be coming home, for a whole year and then starting next summer I will apply for CGA and possibly move to Gainesville, Georgia.
The more and more time that passed since then, God has given me so much peace and excitement for coming home. And wow the irony!!! It’s funny how He works. 🙂 He’s spoken more into why I’m going home and how it would have been easier for me to go back on the field at this point. A place where community and tools are built into life. God wants to continue to challenge me and that is where I will be challenged and grow, going home. To comforts. A place where I have to stand firm in what I believe. A place where I have to fight against all the distractions of the world for a relationship with Him. A place where I have to find my own community of strong believers who will push me to grow closer to God. Out of the Christian community bubble I’ve been living in. On my own with God, paving a new path. But most of all going home and being there for my family. Loving them and seeing them how Jesus sees them. Helping my parents, pouring into my brothers. Being the light of Jesus in a dark world of Satan.
I don’t have any expectations about home and I have such open hands for what doors God will open.
I know for sure I will not be going to school. This is hard for people to understand and it’s hard to explain. God is bigger than college and for a lot of people that IS their path but it is not mine. I love school and I would love to go to seminary or more discipleship schools in the future, God willing but in this moment in life it is about others. Listening and waiting for who God puts on my heart. Being there for my family. Being there for teenagers in my community who are going through what I went through. Being a vessel.
In Nicaragua my team was talking about the importance of what we are proclaiming during worship. It’s so easy to say the words in the moment, in the passion of worship but to sit down with God and dissect the words you are saying to God. I mean woah. Words are SO powerful and I want to make sure I’m ready and will follow through with the statements I’m singing out in worship.
One being, the word vessel. What a powerful, powerful word that is. God has been showing me through prayer walking on what a true vessel looks like. Someone who is willing to go out and let God use them. Specifically just being available for God to use me. That is what going home is going to look like. Being a vessel for God. Realizing and knowing that I am literally doing nothing, I stand there and HE, the almighty King does it all. Being humble and giving him all the glory. Not letting my emotions or fears get in the way. A vessel.
Overall, IM SO EXCITED TO COME HOME! Just hearing my mom’s voice makes me cry now because I have let the wall down that I had up while being away. A wall of protection that I wasn’t going to see her for a long time so I can’t think about missing her. I can’t wait to come home and spend time with my family. To cultivate new habits and spend quality time in the very house I was so lost in sin and in the world. Talk about redemption!
I’m also so excited to appreciate the little things, especially my state. Leaving WA has made me realize how much I absolutely love this beautiful place and I can’t wait to be out in creation with God worshipping him. To grow in intimacy with my Father and to do things just Him and I. 🙂 to share with others what I’ve learned. To be a helpful hand. To simply have a job or drive Isaac to soccer practice. To go on a walk with my parents or a hike with my friends. To sit in my hammock and read my bible. To rest.
God knew what he was doing and still does. I trust him in this time and I say thank you my God for letting me come home and spend these precious moments with my family and friends before the next thing in life.
God has a perfect plan for our lives. Sometimes it doesn’t look like what we wanted but ultimately he knows best.
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Ways YOU can Join me on my Spiritual Journey:
1. Pray. I will need a multitude of prayers ranging from strength, wisdom, clarity, love, joy… The list goes on. Whatever your heart desires and feels right, pray. Here in Ethiopia we have a little boy at the orphanage who’s legs don’t work, pray healing over his body please!
In Nicaragua pray for jobs, most of the country is unemployed and it’s really taking a toll on families, pray for God’s provision to these people.
- SPREAD THE WORD! Tell everyone about my trip and show them my blog.
- SUBSCRIBE! When you subscribe you will get all notifications when I post on my blog about my trip and any updates!
- If you would like to donate to me still, please donate directly to me (through my church for tax purposes: Please make checks out to Bear Creek Community Church (address: 18931 NE 143rd St., Woodinville Wa 98072) and attach a sticky note saying it’s for Margee’s Missions. Do not donate through World Race any longer. I AM FULLY FUNDED but I am now raising money for flights!! I need to buy 3 plane tickets for my trip home on June 3rd and for PSL which is a week long “after the race” conference in Georgia at the end of June. Thank you for everyone who has donated already. It’s been an incredible journey!
Venmo me : Marguerite-SanMartino
