Week two in Belmopan, Belize is done and I can’t believe my time here is almost up! I can’t believe how much has happened in just two weeks. Last week, my team as well as the other two teams that are currently all living together (that’s 19 girls in one house, it’s a party every night to say the least), had an incredible opportunity to host a dinner for a ministry called Freedom House. Freedom House is a home for men who have recently been released from prison, and have found the Lord. This community seeks to disciple and equip these men with the tools to become true men of Christ, as well as helping them heal and find freedom from their past. Taking Jesus out of the equation, this is not exactly the kind of company you would imagine a house full of young women inviting over for dinner. We hoped and prayed that by providing a meal and simple conversation, maybe we could bless these men most of us honestly had very little in common with. But of course, it ended up being the other way around.
My two teammates, Brittany, Jasmine, and I struck up a conversation with a man named Elroy. Elroy is 19 years old, but you would probably guess his age as a lot older for the wisdom he carries and life he has lived. He shared his story with us, and then asked me to record a message. These are his words that stuck out to me as an encouragement that needs to be shared:
“Christ has suffered for us, and don’t think that this Christianity walk will be easy. Trust me. Christ has suffered for us, and we are gonna suffer just like Him. People are gonna curse us for the Word, people are gonna stone us, beat us down for preaching the gospel. And guys, it is up to you to be strong. As Jasmine and Brittany were sharing their testimonies, guys, these people came from who knows, even worse places than I’ve been, but God has brought them up to something. The challenges you’re facing in your life today, it’s a stumbling block. Don’t just keep on hitting, and hitting and struggling to get up. Find a way to get over or get around it. Ask the Lord for wisdom. Ask Him, ‘Lord I need You to move in me. Lord, I’m the clay and you’re the potter, mold me to who you want me, shape me out God, I’m tired of being a stumbling block, I’m tired of hitting the wall. Show me the way, show me a way that I could get over this, or around.’ And guys, He will help you. He’s gonna show you. He says ‘Alright, see that little stone right there? Move that one. See that one there? Move it. And see that stone? Move it.’ And when you move that stone, this wall will come crumbling down. If you just keep on stepping up…
Many times in my life, I’ve been sexually abused, spit upon, been abandoned in my life, been tried to be killed three different times by my parents, witnessed my own sister molested, guys the things that I’ve been through. Yet this is where God has brought me from. I was bending, bending, bending, and this is what He does to me: He straightens me back up. He straightens me back up. He wants me to continue to grow.”
I didn’t fully realize until a few days later when I went back and watched Elroy’s words he asked me to record, how much the Lord spoke to me through his story. And even more importantly, how many people in my own life at home, subscribed to my blog, hopefully reading this right now, need this encouragement.
The enemy loves to remind us of who we were. Of whatever pain, darkness, shame, guilt, whatever parts of our story we usually prefer to skip over, whatever we have been through in our lives that doesn’t make the highlight reel. He loves to tell us we will forever exist in those places of unhappiness and pain. Especially since being out on the Race, he loves to tell me this.
If that’s you, I’ll tell you the words I needed to hear this week: you are not who you’ve been. You are who He says you are: loved, chosen, free, strong, His.
Last night, our three teams all living together this month had a time of worship through encouraging one another. What this looked like was basically intentionally praying over each other and asking the Lord to reveal how He sees each of His daughters.
After praying over me, my squadmate, Ashley, shared that she received a vision of me standing in a dark room, with small, bright lights appearing, and me smiling. (There are more than likely a lot of friends reading this post who do not land on the same page in the context of receiving visions and hearing from the Lord. But that’s another post for another day!) This immediately spoke to me so much, because Ashley has not heard my testimony, she does not know my story. But what she saw was essentially the Lord reminding me that the freedom I have from my anxiety and depression, from my darkness, does not mean they no longer exist and are gone from my life. It means I have found His light in it. It means I don’t have to fall victim to them anymore.
I am not who I’ve been, I am who He says I am.
“who the Son sets free, oh is free indeed”
