Committing to the World Race also means I must commit to blogging on a regular basis both in the next year as I fundraise and prepare, and in the eleven months I’ll be in the field as well. This probably should have excited me, considering writing is a major outlet for me and something I’ve always done and enjoyed for years. But to be honest, it’s caused me way more stress than necessary. I feel the need to censor what I write in my journals and the brutally honest words on my heart these days. I’m certainly not a perfect human being, and I don’t claim to be, so why do I feel like I have to put an attractive Instagram filter over my life, even the things I’m going through and feeling? I’m learning to acknowledge and attempting to change how much pressure I put on myself.
So, I’ve decided that in order to truly allow God to take the reigns over this season of my life and my experience on the Race, I am officially going uncensored. No more sugar coating. No more “what I wish I could say’s”. This is my life, and I want it to be as transparent as possible. So here is what’s been on my heart and mind the last few weeks, completely uncensored.
I’ll be honest, the enemy sure has it easy with me. I’m learning I have a very intense, near crippling fear of failure. And day in and day out, he speaks to it. The Race is a completely spirit-led decision for me. There was no thunderous voice from heaven or angel that appeared telling me to drop my life and travel the world to serve for eleven months. This makes it an incredible journey of faith and is greatly deepening my relationship with the Lord, but it also makes it easy to deny that this is indeed what He wants for me. Enter Satan. For the last few weeks, I’ve been hearing and beginning to believe lies that I can’t do this. That I shouldn’t even try. What’s the point? he says. You don’t have what it takes. You’re taking the place of others more qualified. You’ll never raise $18,000, it’s not possible.
These lies have burrowed their way into my brain to stay because they come from places of truth. I alone cannot do this. I do not have what it takes. There are definitely others out there much more qualified than me. And on my own I will never raise $18,000. But I’m not doing any of this alone. He is filling every inch of the skyscraper-high gaps between what I bring to the table and am capable of, and what the Race will require of me. This is an incredible faith journey, but not because of anything I’m doing or have done, but instead because at the end I will get to see what God can do with a faithful and obedient heart.
So here’s to telling the truth. Here’s to choosing optimism. Yes, it’s true that selfishly, I want this experience for myself. I want to travel the world for eleven months. But more than anything, I believe He is asking this of me. I believe the Lord is asking me to surrender myself and trust that He will provide everything I could possibly need to love the unloveable and proclaim His name to eleven corners of the earth that are starving for Him.
If you’re reading this, I’m asking you to join me in making this calling on my heart a reality. I’m asking for prayer as I’ve already seen and felt my heart and mind under attack. Prayer for protection, provision, and peace. I’m also asking you to partner with me financially and consider donating to my mission. $18,000 is A LOT of money. So much that if I think about it too much I need to sit down for a minute. But every time I let this worry consume me, I’m reminded that time and time again my God has done so much more with so much less. I’m asking a lot of you, the people in my life, because the Lord is asking a lot of me. Yes I know, your Facebook timeline is full of people asking for your money these days. But what if, especially during this Christmas season, we looked to the Lord and asked how He can use what we have to give? Whether $5 or $500, whatever you are able to give, I encourage you to ask Him where it is specifically needed.
I’d love to share more with you about why I’m going on the World Race! If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me here on my blog or on Facebook if we’re already connected.
As 2018 draws near, I’m reminded again and blown away at what God did with my heart in this last year. I truly cannot wait to see how He continues to transform me in the year ahead. Merry almost Christmas dear friends!
