The first month we were in Mae Ai, one of our worship activities was to rewrite a psalm. We sat in silence for a little bit and whatever number came to our head from 1-150 is what psalm we turned to, read, and rewrote. I had never done this before so I was pumped, I got to rewrite a psalm, my own version of what the Lord was telling me through it. So month one I got Psalm 47 and this is what is says:
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Clap your hands, all you nations;
shout to God with cries of joy.
2 For the Lord Most High is awesome,
the great King over all the earth.
3 He subdued nations under us,
peoples under our feet.
4 He chose our inheritance for us,
the pride of Jacob, whom he loved.[b]
5 God has ascended amid shouts of joy,
the Lord amid the sounding of trumpets.
6 Sing praises to God, sing praises;
sing praises to our King, sing praises.
7 For God is the King of all the earth;
sing to him a psalm of praise.
8 God reigns over the nations;
God is seated on his holy throne.
9 The nobles of the nations assemble
as the people of the God of Abraham,
for the kings[c] of the earth belong to God;
he is greatly exalted.
Freaking hype right! So after I got my psalm and read it, I wrote my own version of what I got from is. This is my journal entry for Psalm 47
12/17/18
Give thanks to the Lord.
He is the king of kings and the Lord of Lords.
He chose us to live, to inherit the earth.
He sacrificed himself for us. He bled out on a cross to save us.
Rising above our shouts of joy, he finds rest.
Praise him.
Praise him for he is the creator of the universe
The creator of every breath we breathe.
He sits in the throne room waiting for us patiently.
He waits because he loves us.
Our God deserves nothing more than a praise dance.
To be lifted high.
Fast forward to our next month in Myanmar. We didn’t rewrite a psalm in Myanmar, but that whole month I read and studied psalm 77. I spent lots of time on that sucker. Every day i read one verse and broke it down, I tried to understand it better. There are 20 verses in Psalm 77 so it worked out perfectly and on my last day of being in Myanmar i finished the whole thing. I would say it was a pretty accurate Psalm for my month.
This was my last journal entry in Myanmar:
Psalm 77
I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
at night I stretched out untiring hands,
and I would not be comforted.
3 I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.[b]
4 You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days,
the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night.
My heart meditated and my spirit asked:
7 “Will the Lord reject forever?
Will he never show his favor again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished forever?
Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”
10 Then I thought, “To this I will appeal:
the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
11 I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will consider all your works
and meditate on all your mighty deeds.”
13 Your ways, God, are holy.
What god is as great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
16 The waters saw you, God,
the waters saw you and writhed;
the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water,
the heavens resounded with thunder;
your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
your lightning lit up the world;
the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea,
your way through the mighty waters,
though your footprints were not seen.
20 You led your people like a flock
by the hand of Moses and Aaron.
Studied this thing all month, and I never got tired of it. Every time I read it, I saw something new, I realized something, my eyes were always being opened. Some parts of it are sad but some parts of it are so good. I see it as my relationship with the Lord at times. I cry out to him for help, there are times when I beg for him to answer a prayer and he doesn’t do it. And i get angry and so sad. Sometimes I just ask “are you even there, can you even hear me, why do you do this to me and the people that I love?” Feeling abandoned by someone who says you are loved unconditionally and seen, that’s hard to believe at times, a lot this month lately. But in the midst of my suffering and complaining somehow I always manage to think of the times that the Lord answered my prayers and I remember. I remember the God who loves me unconditionally in the midst of me yelling at him, ignoring at times, or just refusing to believe that he is real. I remember that he is a God who does things on his time, never mine. I remember that he is faithful and he is good, he goes unseen and unnoticed and we don’t realize what he’s done until we think back on certain times. I can feel my brain racing because I’m trying so hard to write down all of this but I can’t. But I know that every time I look back on this Psalm, I’ll know what it means to me even though I can’t put it into words or whatever.
Now were here. Round two in Thailand, round two in Mae Ai with my team teaching English again at Bankai school. Two months later I sat in the same spot on the floor Monday night getting bit by mosquitoes, waiting for a random number in my head, flipping to that psalm, and rewriting is. Here is Psalm 30, my own version of Psalm 30, and my journal entry for that night.
Psalm 30
I will exalt you, Lord,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
2 Lord my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
3 You, Lord, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
4 Sing the praises of the Lord, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
5 For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
6 When I felt secure, I said,
“I will never be shaken.”
7 Lord, when you favored me,
you made my royal mountain[c] stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.
8 To you, Lord, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
9 “What is gained if I am silenced,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
10 Hear, Lord, and be merciful to me;
Lord, be my help.”
11 You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
12 that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
Lord my God, I will praise you forever.
My version:
Psalm 30
You raised me up.
You called my name and I found you in the dark.
Praise God.
Praise God for who he is,
For every ounce of his being found in every living thing.
You stand tall.
You are my rock, my unmoving mountain.
I cry out to you and you hear me.
Forever God I will love you.
You turn my sadness into joy.
Forever I will praise you
My journal entry
2/11/19
In Myanmar, I spent the whole month study and reading Psalm 77. Everyday I read one verse, broke it down, and studied it. It was a cool Psalm, really accurate for that month lol. The first time we were here in Thailand sitting in this house, we rewrote Psalms. It was really cool and I really liked it, but i never did it again. But tonight Mac told us we were doing it again. It’s so weird how last month I was sitting right here, doing the exact same thing, but I’m completely different. It’s so weird how much a person can change in just two months and see things with a completely different perspective. Psalm 30 was really cool. I tried to see if there was any correlation I could make from the 3 psalms i’ve read these past 3 months, maybe if there was something I was missing or if there was something I didn’t see or realize. These Psalms have straight up been my life for the past 3 months. Month 1 in Thailand I was in a new place. It was like a clean slate to start all over again. Thanking Jesus and constantly being reminded of how good he is and grateful I am to even being living this crazy life. Yea there were hard days, lots of long nights, but I was still sending all my praises to the man upstairs. Month 2 in Myanmar was by far my hardest month on the race. Lots of nights just laying in my bed just asking Jesus when he would show up but also extreme growth in my relationship and dependency with him. Month 3 back in Thailand I’m sitting here in awe of how the Lord can tear me down so quickly just to build me back up even stronger. How he can make me feel like life is unbearable but at the same time pull me out of my sulking and show me how great he is.
I forget how cool Jesus is sometimes. I forget how intricately he designed me and how in depth his plan is for me. It’s truly mind blowing.
Thanks for reading, see ya.
-Love Mady
