Acatenango. The third highest volcano in central america, reaching about 13,000 feet.
A few weeks ago me and some friends decided we wanted to hike acatenango. Two weeks ago, the boys hiked it and said it was the hardest thing they had ever done which made me question even doing it, actually it made me not want to do it. Last weekend I ended up hiking acatenango after many phone calls and conversations of being hyped up. So I hiked it. Let me just tell you about the before, during, and after.
the morning of.
Me and 12 other girls woke up at 4:30 in the morning to eat some cereal with our backpacks packed and ready to go. I went into the kitchen to get myself some cereal and everyone was just sitting in the dark silently eating and regretting and questioning why we signed ourselves up for this. I sat down at the table with my cereal and everyone literally looked like they were dreading it. We were secretly hoping it would be raining when we woke up so we wouldn’t have to do the hike but we woke up and it was clear skies! YAY! it was dead silent and everyone was just mentally preparing. In the midst of the silence i literally just burst out laughing and was like what the freak did we just sign ourselves up for. it was funny. The car ride to the volcano was dead silent too. The whole 30 minutes. I could hear everyones music, just trying to hype themselves up ya know. When we got to the base of the volcano it was literally straight up and we started.
during
So we started the hike. I thought oh maybe it will start off easy at like a small incline or something maybe. NOPE. We walked up to the base of the hike and it was straight up. the. whole time. It got to a point where i couldn’t feel my legs and i just kept putting one foot in front of the other. i didn’t look up at all because i didn’t want to know how much more i had to go up, i didn’t want to see how steep the incline was. i literally stared at feet for 6 hours and 30 minutes going uphill. While we were going up i had to keep a positive mindset, i think it was absolutely necessary to have that especially when you are doing something difficult because if you don’t it doesn’t get any easier. “my mental toughness is building, this is for the kingdom, it is a privilege to suffer for Jesus”. That was on repeat in my head literally the whole way up. i didn’t really talk to anyone, didn’t really look at anyone, I just kept my head down and had to force myself to think positively. it wasn’t easy.
base camp
we finally got to the top. i remember peeking my head up a little and seeing mary grace and abbey just hangin out, exhausted, out of breath, just waiting and watching. a nice mental picture you could say. we got up to the top around noon and we just hung out. feeling exhausted and accomplished, all the endorphins flowin, it was sweet. I think my favorite part of the whole trip was the night on top of the volcano. it wasn’t the views, it wasn’t the stars (although they were DOPE), it wasn’t the clouds or the sun, it was the feeling. Jaime, our guide, started a fire so we could keep warm and eat our food and have some smores and all 13 of us were just snuggled up by the fire. as i was sitting and just looking and listening i got a NICE feeling in my soul. it felt right and it felt good. It was just another time of Jesus reassuring me that this was the right decision, this is what i’m supposed to be doing, and the people with me are a necessary part of my life. i couldn’t help but smile and just swallow up the whole moment. it felt good and it felt right. i felt peace.
the way down.
oh man. the way down volcano acatenango. what! a! time! it started off good. we were all pleased with the fact that the whole way down would only be two hours and straight down hill. sike boy, it sucked haha. so i wore chacos on the hike, with some socks. i don’t regret it, i don’t think. but on the way down it was HARD. i was in a constant squat and the whole time and had to hold myself up so i wouldn’t tumble down. after the first 45 minutes of the way down my feet kinda started to hurt a little. i was like oh its just the rocks in my shoes because i didn’t wear the right kind. but the more we started going down the more painful it started getting. never in my life have i pushed myself so hard mentally. the way up i was like yea suffering for Jesus yay! but it was a whole different story on the way down. I felt what it was like to truly suffer for him and in the midst of the suffering, look past it and know that it’s for the kingdom. i had to keep the kingdom mindset ya know? i had to reassure myself every time i would take step wincing in pain and just cussing because there was nothing else i could do. after two grueling hours i made it to the bottom. my legs were so shaky, they were like noodles and i could not walk at all. not sure how i made it to the van but i did.
the week after the hike.
a hard week you could say. when we got back from the hike i got out of the car and took off my socks because my feet were on fire. i lifted up my feet to look at them and my heart dropped. my feet were covered in blisters, and they weren’t small. all along the sides of my feet on the inside and outside, in between my toes and the tips of my toes, and covering the whole bottom of my feet, you could say i was in a little bit of pain. i was just like okay its fine i’ll just walk to my room and wash them but as soon as i stood up i wanted to sit down. I’ve never felt a pain like this one before. Then came the week of surrender.
One thing about me if you don’t know is that i don’t like help. I like doing things on my own and caring for others, i will refuse any help any time usually. that week it was completely ripped to shreds. it was embarrassing and i felt weak. everyone just looked at me like i was weak and i was injured, because i was and i hated it. people offered to help and offered to carry me and i would just say no and continue to walk in excruciating pain taking unnecessary amounts of time and not helping my situation at all.
People stared. I would walk in town and people would literally just watch me walk and watch my face. Kids at my ministry made fun of me. They compared me to a dog named Toby whose paws are so matted he just wobbles everywhere. I was compared and I was laughed at and I was stared at. So i just tried to keep my head down.
At ministry, i had to be carried everywhere. Mac would pick me up and carry me up the little hill to get to ministry and i would just sit. At home, camille and mac would carry me to the kitchen and to my room because it would take me too long and it would be too painful walking on the concrete. People would get me my food in the morning or meet me when i was halfway to the line with a plate of food. My blisters took a bit longer to get better (and are still getting better) because i would push myself. i would push myself because i didn’t want help. i didn’t want to take time out of peoples day to have to carry me, or wait for me, or get my food for me. One day, our ministry host gave me an aloe stick that she hacked off from a plant. Honestly she was probably sick of me taking like 15 minutes to walk like 20 feet haha. But it is probably a day I will never forget. I got an aloe plant and then my feet got washed. But i didn’t wash them, alyssa did.
If you don’t know who she is let me just give ya a little explanation. Alyssa is an Alyssa. Completely out of the ordinary, probably her own definition of extraordinary. She was my team leader for the past 3 months and is a human i hold close to my heart.
I have never seen Jesus so clearly than I saw him in Alyssa this day. We got home from ministry and I hobbled to the gate and Alyssa said she was washing my feet. Immediately i said no, there was no way I was going to let someone wash my disgusting, smelly, blister infested feet when I could just do it myself. But I couldn’t run from her because of my feet, soooo there wasn’t really anything i could do. Camille got a chair and a bucket of water and a rag and set it outside, then she picked me up, carried me to the chair and sat me down. And i just sat there, annoyed, because she had to carry me and I couldn’t stop alyssa from washing my feet. So she washed my feet.
In that moment, I thought of Jesus and his disciples. They looked to him with high authority, sometimes questioned, sometimes doubted, but usually always did what he said. They suffered for him, left everything for him, and died for him. Then out of the blue Jesus sits them down and washed each one of their feet. They were probs like bro what the heck are you doing, do you see how disgusting my feet are?! But he did it anyways. He sat them down and washed them all. He did it because he loved them and he cared for them. And in that moment when the disciples realized what was happening, they saw who Jesus truly was and his intentions and his heart for humanity.
That’s what I felt. It was like a film was torn from my eyes. People wanted to help me because they love me. They didn’t see me or my feet as a burden, they saw them as a way to love me and care for me. I had to surrender what I thought I was entitled to so that I could know that I am loved and I am cared for. All week I shut people down or at least tried my hardest to receive as little help as possible, and I sat in my suffering and my pain because I didn’t want to receive that love, I just wanted to continue to love people. But how can you continue to love people if you don’t let them love you in the same way?
Two weeks later I’m still hangin out. My feet are in a lot of pain still because my blisters have popped but the skin is raw and peeled back and stuff (sorry gross). My feet are no longer squishy, but callused from the blisters that have healed. I still walk a little slow but I can keep up with people now. I walk with a weird hobble type of situation, its kinda funny. But I ask for help, not out of a place of shame and embarrassment but in a place of opening my heart to receive love from those that love me. It’s still not easy but it is easier. So yea, Jesus really tore down my idea of doing things on my own and still trying to care for others in a way. It was like slowly ripping off a big band-aid. I just thought I should share with you because I thought it was kinda cool. Thanks for reading 🙂
-Love Mady
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