WOW! Hello! I really don’t think I am ever going to get this blog thing down. I am so deeply sorry for the lack of updates on here. A lot has happened since the last time I’ve written one of these, first of all, I’m in South America! We are on month 7 and that in itself BLOWS MY MIND. I feel like I was boarding a plane for the Philippines yesterday.
I’m going to let you in on a secret and get a little vulnerable. Is that okay? I hope so because it’s happening. To be completely honest, I was in a HUGE slump the past couple of weeks. I wasn’t in the mood to do anything, and I have never craved home so much. All I wanted was my own bed, some air conditioning, my mom, and Trader Joe’s dark chocolate peanut butter cups. I was having the worst allergic reaction to something in the air, sleeping in my hammock, and barely knowing any Spanish… in a Spanish speaking country! The past two weeks quickly turned into a whiny soap opera starring Macy Shepard.
As I was sitting with God the past couple of weeks, I knew He was doing something because He always is. He is always working and moving things around, I just didn’t know what He was up to. I started questioning His motives and became entitled. It’s funny because I signed up for this. I didn’t sign up for a vacation and I still found myself the past two weeks expecting something more than what I was getting. I started believing that I deserved something that He really never promised me. I never found myself getting angry with Him, but I was definitely annoyed. I remember praying “God, here I am! Simply loving and serving your people just as you tell us to, so cut me a little slack!!! Why do I think this sucks so much? HELP MY NEGATIVITY. Kick my booty into shape!” I even got annoyed that I was annoyed. I wanted to be fine and chipper, but I wasn’t.
I then remembered a quote from Melissa Helser that says, “If you don’t know the Father’s Nature, you will always question His motives”. The moment I remembered that quote, it felt like a slap in the face.
Do you ever find yourself walking in such entitlement that you forget who God is? I sure did last week! How in the world can I be walking around preaching what an all-loving Father we serve and then turn around and question His motives and love for me?
ALL MY GOD WANTS TO DO IS LOVE ME. ALL HE WANTS TO DO IS LOVE YOU.
Sure, I wasn’t having the best time of my life, but not because I was being punished or because God thought it was fun to watch me suffer. He definitely knew I wasn’t going to be all gung-ho about my bad allergies and sleeping in my hammock, but He did know it was going to transform me into more of the women He needs me to be. Maybe He wanted me to walk through this so I would write this exact blog! He is so detailed and amazing that I wouldn’t doubt it.
Here is a little analogy for ya – As a parent, you are going to tell your kids to study. You know your kids won’t be excited about studying, but you will tell them to study because you love them. You will know that if they fail their next test that they will be crushed. You also know that teaching them how to study will teach them discipline and set them up for success in the future.
I know that is what God does for us! He puts us in these situations not because He likes watching us suffer, but because HE KNOWS WHAT IS BEST. He is the most perfect parent.
His one and only motive is love. Our God loves the heck out of us. More than you will ever be able to comprehend. I found myself a few days ago coming to this realization and being in complete awe. This is something I have to constantly remind myself of when things aren’t going my way. It’s easy to say this when everything is fine and dandy, but I think it’s more of a testament of our faith when we can proclaim how good He is when things aren’t perfect.
So simply know and learn from my experience that no matter the season or the day – He is moving in incredible ways. He knows it sucks when it sucks. He knows it might not be your favorite. He just wants us to trust Him every second. He wants us to know His loving nature and never question His motives. His motives are ALWAYS good!
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose” Romans 8:28
Xx,
Mace
