The title makes this post seem scary, but this post is actually the opposite. The past month, that title would have terrified me, but God has shown me how to rejoice in the plans He changes.
As many of you know, my plan was the leave on this wild adventure in August. However, I have come to realize August was on my timing, not His. This past August, I quickly made the decision I wanted launch in August of 2018 because it was exactly a year away at the time. It seemed reasonable! The closer it has gotten to my launch, the more my stress and anxiety started to rise – taking complete control over me. I wasn’t being myself at all. I was moody, irritable, and just all around not a very pleasant person to be around. I got to a point where talking to people, having fun with friends, or relaxing made me feel like I was wasting the time that I could be putting toward fundraising. I felt like I was being pulled in so many directions that I wasn’t able to give 100% in anything I was doing.
With that being said, I have decided to move my launch date to October! At first, I was worried that pushing my launch date back would ruin God’s plan, but little did I know, I’m not strong enough to do that! If I’m going to be completely real, I think the main thing that was holding me back was how worried I was of what everyone was going to think. Maybe saying things like “oh she can’t raise enough so she is pushing it back” or “Macy is too scared to go. I bet she won’t go”. All the things that my great little mind comes up with. 🙂
The funny part is that I thought I was at a point in my faith where God wasn’t going to teach me anything THAT big until I was on the race. I thought I had this whole Christian thing under control. Dumb me was rebuked big time! He is never done teaching me, pushing me to be the person he knows I can be, and I sure will never have it all under control.
He hit me with the raw truth that no one cares! Everyone is way too into what they are doing with their own lives to worry about what I am doing with mine (I mean, my mom cares). So here I am, finally throwing in the towel and admitting that life got ahead of me! I’m trying to embrace this and trust that this is the decision I was supposed to make. I will forever be figuring it all out as I go. I’m a mess who needs her savior every day!
Fundraising has been a lot, but now that I am launching in October I get to be present where I am at the moment and breathe a little. I get to enjoy my last few weeks of college, be with the people I might never live in the same city with again, and thank God every day for what he has given me instead of stressing out, questioning if he will give me what I think I need.
So friends, I’m here an extra two months to give myself a little more time to thoughtfully fundraise! I needed more time to put all my effort into this and glorify Him in it all. I get to watch my sister go to her last first day of high school, my other sister go to her FIRST day of high school (yikes), and my cool little brother take on 5th grade!
God is so good and always will be.
xx,
Mace
