I’m not sure what all the Lord is going to bring up as I write this blog so bear with me. I’m going to break it up by country. In each place the Lord set my feet He taught me something and stripped me of something.
Swaziland.
The Lord taught me how to love in Swaziland. How to love when I didn’t want to, when it was hard, when it hurt and when it maybe wasn’t deserved. Africa was the first place I’d ever been to where the purpose was to serve the Lord and not to serve my flesh. Our ministry was focused on kids and cooking. There were days when I felt entitled to my cleanliness so I didn’t want to fully engage in ministry and get all sweaty and dirty playing with the kids. There were days I didn’t want to stand in the dark kitchen for up to 4 hours and cook for 50 people.
Entitlement. From day one in Swaziland the Lord stripped me of everything I thought I deserved. Hot water, power, WiFi, privacy, personal space, an abundance of free time, an abundance of things to do besides eat peanut butter and play card games. I could not have imagined starting my race any other way than the compete abandonment of any and every normal thing.
Nepal.
I know I haven’t talked about nepal. Honestly I don’t know why. Maybe denial that that ever happened or maybe so much happened that I don’t know where to start. I’ll be home in 4 days ask me as many questions as you want (maybe they will help me process the time i spent there)
In Nepal the lord gave me purpose for my struggle. I was sick, a lot. I was more uncomfortable than I’ve ever been in my entire 19 (almost 20) years of life. It was dark, my eyes were cast to the things in front of me instead of cast on the Lord. I was in a place of self pity, I placed myself in the victim circle, I felt bad for myself and felt that I deserved to be healthy and happy everywhere I went, especially if I was serving the Lord.
EXPECTATION. Jesus took that word out of my freakin vocabulary in Nepal. I remember being in Swazi talking about how excited I was for Nepal and expecting all these incredible things (mind you I had never been to Nepal before this) anyways the Lord took my expectations, crumpled them in a ball, threw them in the trash and then lit them on fire. Jesus moved big in Nepal but more in me than in the people I came into contact with. He just kept reassuring me that He would never turn his back on me no matter how many times I had turned my back on Him. I chose into worldly pleasures like hanging it with my friends over reading my bible or praying or just worshiping alone. I chose to go out and get food instead of asking the Lord what He wanted to do with the free time that I had. I chose to be selfish and feed my flesh instead of feeding my spirit. Y’all Jesus and the Bible and praying is our SOUL FOOD! We need it just as much as we need literal food. Anyways, lots of growth happened in Nepal, still asking the Lord to redeem that time for me.
India.
REDEMPTION ON REDEMPTION ON GROWTH ON GROWTH. India was so undeserved. I had just come out of a season where I didn’t chose the Lord at all (I literally have zero journal entries from Nepal.) and the Lord blessed me with India. I met some life long friends and finally realized that my worth comes from the Lord but if I don’t choose into that I’m just going to keep walking in a false identity. The Lord taught me so much about his character in India, he taught me of his love and of his grace and of his mercies THAT ARE NEW EVERY MORNING. He taught me that I am a woman of honor and grace and patience and that THAT is my identity and even when I choose not to walk in the fullness of it, it’s still TRUE.
The lord stripped me of the lies of the enemy in India. He showered me in truth and in grace. He was too too good to me.
Guatemala.
The last leg. Weird. Jesus is so good. The Lord taught me about perseverance and that it’s NOT EASY. I’m tired, I don’t wanna, there were days when I went kicking and screaming (literally). But I went. Ministry was very much all over the place and sometimes that made me not want to commit but man Jesus has so much for me and for JR FLOSS in every day. The days when I would question why I was still on the field, someone would come to know the Lord. The days where I questioned His voice, he would speak so clearly. Point is, Jesus will always prove you wrong. His plan is always so much better than yours. Just give him the reigns and miracles will happen. He also taught me that it was okay to dream big dreams because he is LIMITLESS. I cannot stress this enough. Whatever box you have him in, I dare you, challenge it, HE WILL MOVE.
2 times the charm .. right? Entitlement once again. Jesus is so full circle. In entering Guatemala we see re introduced to some of the pleasures that America has to offer .. yeah that’s right (McDonald’s, Taco Bell, subway, etc) I am a missionary. I am broke. I cannot get fast food every day. I cannot ride a chicken bus into Antigua to go shopping every day. (Just some of the things I told myself daily). God is good and He is a provider, when you think you’re lacking, I promise you’re not. As long as you have the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of you, you are equips with everything you need to ADVANCE HIS KINGDOM. That’s the only thing that matters. There are missionaries here who have abandoned their homes, their cars, their families to serve the Lord. Isn’t He worthy? He did the same for us. Left His throne to take on the flesh of us humans and then dies a death that WE DESERVED. Cmon people, all for the glory of God isn’t just something we put in it instagram captions to get more likes. It’s a way of life, it’s our way of life. Wherever, whenever, I’m there, I’m yours. Until I get to worship you forevermore. ABBA, you are so worth any price. I love you, thank you the the last 9 months of my life, our journey.
