This is a hard on for me to write. I think its always been hard for me to be vulnerable, even with the people I’m closest with, but most of my supporters don’t know this story, most of my family doesn’t know of the love story between Jesus, so here it is, a story of broken and restored relationships, healed wounds and a whole bunch of the father’s faithfulness.
I only have a few memories from church when I was younger. Not much from my childhood church life stuck with me. My parents got divorced when I was seven years old. It was picture day, first grade. Mom and dad were both screaming, as soon as they came downstairs my mom was pushing my siblings and I out the door to go to the neighbors house so we wouldn’t see or hear anything else. I remember being scared to leave my mom alone with my dad, but we went. Leaving that morning we saw a cop car and the police were talking to my mom outside. Thats all I remember about that day. My parents went to court and got split custody which meant that we were with my mom during the week and with my dad every other weekend. Some weekends with my dad were better than others but with him the primal emotion was always anger. It was like that until I was 15 and then my brother sister and I went on a trip with my dad that changed everything. A lot of things happened that should not have and we were all at fault but from 15 to 18 my dad and I barely talked and our relationship practically didn’t exist. Because of all of the things that happened on this trip, the court ordered counseling with my dad brother and I and it made me realize that I held a lot of resentment towards my dad that I had never processed before but at 15 I wanted to hold on to my anger and I wasn’t ready to let go of it. So now that you know about the relationship I had with my dad were going to backtrack to the third grade when I was first introduced to pornography. Unfortunately, this is a huge part of my testimony because I was addicted to porn for 10 years. This took hold of the way I viewed sex and marriage and boys in general. I had been crippled by shame for so long because of my sexual sin and I felt like I was alone in this. I couldn’t talk to my mom because of the lie that she would be so ashamed of me. I couldn’t talk to my dad because our relationship was not built on trust or any healthy foundation and I defiantly couldn’t turn to God because He has already given up on me after years of habitual sin. Any other family was out of the picture too because I was so ashamed and disappointed in myself to even admit that I had a problem. After years of believing those lies, God kicked down that wall and gave me the courage to admit to my mom after attending a doctrine class at our church, that I had been struggling with porn addiction for 10 years. The lord extended so much grace in this in that he totally crushed the lie that my mom would be disappointed in me and she just told me that she wasn’t disappointed and she loved me just the same. Her views of me did not change at all. That was the first time I had experience true freedom in my addiction and just about a week ago I got to experience that freedom again with my sweet sisters in christ. Ephesians 2:1-10 talks all about the freedom we have in Lord and that by nature we walk in disobedience, pleasing our own flesh BUT because of the gift of grace, we can walk in freedom from sin and addiction! My freshman year of high school I joined the cheer team (Go Island!) and loved it. Cheer and my friends were my main focus until junior year came and I started prioritizing my friends over the Lord. I started going to parties and drinking for fun. I would lie to my mom about where I was and do things she would not approve of. I valued what other people thought of me instead of how God viewed me, though I’ve always been a daughter and always valued my faith, this was just a season where I got a little lost. Thankfully, the Lord led me to the world race and thats when I started prioritizing Him again. February of my senior year I started working for and attending the church of Eleven22 and was able to encourage my mom and siblings to start going to church with me. God restored my hopes in having a family rooted in the church! Obviously no family is perfect, but I have seen tangible differences in my family since we all started attending church together. My brother, sister and I participated in my church’s Beach Baptism and all got baptized together-such a sweet memory. My mom decided to get baptized and start living her life for christ on September, 15th at an event called Saturated at our church. God has moved in some pretty incredible ways back at home and He is continuing to show me that there is power in prayer and that His faithfulness is never ending. My life has been a series of ups and downs, but even in the lowest lows God is showing me that He has been so faithful. So far on my race the Lord has taught me that love is a universal language and He has taught me that He is the ultimate comforter and protector. Swaziland has felt like a breath of fresh air, I feel like I have finally found community and I don’t have to conceal any part of me, I am loved for who Jesus made me to be. I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be and I am so on fire for the Lord and so expectant that He will continue to move in incredible ways throughout this season. As for my relationship with my dad, the Lord broke me and made me realize that in order to follow Him completely, I had to surrender all of my past to Him. I reached out to my dad towards the end of my senior year and the Lord has been restoring our relationship little by little. I can truly say that I love my dad and I am eager to see what the Lord has in store for us. My family has been the biggest blessing in my life and I thank God every day for them.
Some random things supporters might like to know about me! (some serious things, mostly funny though)
1. My family is so important to me
2. I have a huge heart for children and children’s ministry
3. “What the mess” is a common catch phrase of mine
4. I love my dog so much
5. My three best friends are Tyler, Colton, and my sissy
6. I have the best grandparents in the world and they have been the best supporters in everything
7. My stepdad tells the best dad jokes
8. My brother has 4 toes on one foot
9. I LOVE old people and when I go home I’m going to volunteer in an old folk’s home.
10. I also have huge heart for the homeless community and feel like the Lord is calling me to do something with that when I get home as well
11. I failed 3 classes my junior year of high school because of a serious addiction to the show “Grey’s Anatomy”
12. I have a baby cousin at home named Brayden Alexander and he’s the cutest thing ever and currently my background on my phone
13. I got saved at a camp called Winshape and I am a firm believer that it is the best place on earth and if you have children between the ages of 7 and 18 I highly recommend you send them Winshape camps.
14. I’m addicted to spending money on things that I definitely don’t need but me and Jesus are working on that one.
15. My dad bought all my gear for the race and blessed me in such a tangible way (thanks dad, love ya)
15. Last but not least, I am eternally grateful for every single person who has supported me by including me in their prayers or donated money to me. This journey has been so incredible and I would have never gotten to experience any of it if it weren’t for the people back at home who believed in me. Thank you.
I know a lot of my testimony has never been shared before but the Lord was calling me to be vulnerable and share of the freedom I have in Him. As always, thank you for reading and being apart of this journey.
Love,
Lucy
