::WHY I started missions initially::
While over in Nepal, I thought I left behind my life in the states. I figured that this month and a half of my summer would be an escape, a way to just forget my problems. God had another idea.
As some of you know or are about to discover, I came from a broken home. While that was hard for me, it didn’t amount to the personal affliction I felt by my father’s abandonment. He chose drugs over our family, and we all felt the consequences of his addiction and selfishness.
While I prepared for my trip, I wanted to run away from everything. To forget the pain of my past and the struggles I personally faced. I wanted to feel happy, even if it was only for a month and a half.
I didn’t know what God had in store for me. And boy did he have a lot!
::HOW God spoke to me about continuing missions::
One day the team went to a rehab center. I was a little upset by the idea of possibly seeing people who reminded me of my father, but I thought little of it. While there, to my confusion, I abandoned all sense of control over my emotions. I started sobbing hysterically without even meeting any of the rehab patients.
After our long day of ministry there, we had our daily devotions. That is when I felt like I really needed to talk to God. I pled with him and I begged him to remove this burden. I cried out for healing.
I wrote: “LORD I thought being hundreds of miles from home would remove the pain of my father. I thought running to another country would fix me. Here I am, still in pain and still the same. I need you daily, especially now. I can’t live like this, I can’t do this on my own. I am weak. I will do anything for you, serve you fearlessly and wholeheartedly no matter what you call me to do, please just deliver me.”
That may seem like I was in agony, and I was. I reached my breaking point, and there was still a lot more to that journal entry that I left out. While it appears so negative, it turned out to be one of the best things I documented and one of the biggest breakthroughs I have experienced. In the last line, I devoted my life to be in His control. I surrendered everything I valued to be subject to His will. While He already has sovereign control, I gave Him my willingness and my submission. I gave Him my heart.
God, being the dependable God he is, delivered me from my burden. Not immediately per say, but over time, slowly but surely. He helped me overcome the connection I made between my worth (or feeling of lack thereof) and how my father treated me. And, like I asked Him, four days after my journaling, God revealed His will.
When the team went to a garden a few days after I had that talk with God, we met with a man who worked as a missionary in Nepal. My heart was immediately touched. He asked who felt called to long-term missions. I don’t know what came over me, I was previously being opposed to the idea of missions. Yet I raised my hand immediately and when called on replied with “I am going on a nine-month mission trip overseas and I feel called to move to Russia for two years and work in an orphanage.” I haven’t officially signed up for the World Race yet and I haven’t thought about Russia since I was like 12, it wasn’t even for mission work. I was shocked that I suddenly felt like I knew what I was supposed to do. Maybe it wasn’t the World Race (which obviously it is right now) and maybe it won’t be Russia. All I knew and all I know is that it is mission work.
Whether I am here in the states or overseas, I can continue mission work. I knew that He wanted me to do just that.
I feel like that moment in the garden was undoubtedly and unquestionably God. He changed my heart towards missions and gave me this unquenchable desire to serve His kingdom abroad.
::WHY I am so passionate now::
After God powerfully moved my heart to missions, I have been striving to remember that time in my life as I came back overseas. I kept that journal entry in order to recognize one time that God has showed me His will. It reminds me of one time that I gave God my all and He answered me.
Not only do I feel like I made a promise to God, but I also found so much JOY overseas. It wasn’t like a situational happiness that I feel when I see a puppy, I felt deep joy. I knew God personally and as father, and I felt connected with Him. I fell in love with Him, felt HIs presence, and got to know Him more. On top of that, I found peace in helping people and by sharing His grace. I didn’t feel the pressure to be perfect, I just wanted to bless people. There is something about serving others that changes you. We are there to bless, and are instead blessed.
I know how much God loves these people and I prayed that God would help me comprehend His unconditional love and that my heart would break for what breaks his. As a result, He answered my prayers, and my heart is with these people. It isn’t enough for me to sit back and hope for the better, I need to get my hands on and fight for what I believe.
::HOW I plan to continue (kind of a side note)::
I have the abilities to serve overseas so I am using my God-given opportunities to serve Him and His kingdom. I have to prepare, of course, for this trip and I ask humbly that you would consider donating to my cause through this website, GoFundMe, or buying a shirt. Everything helps and means a lot. If you are unable to help through donations, please consider praying for me as I prepare to and actually leave. Your thoughts, prayers, donations, and/or emotional support mean so much to me and I appreciate it!!! Thank you for reading! God bless!
