PSA: I am already off the race, but I have a few more blogs to post to really tie up the past 9 months. I got home almost 2 weeks ago and life has been so crazy I forgot to sit down and write about what the Lord has done. My apologies 🙂
Just like my last blog, this one was written by a guest! wohoo! For those of you who don’t know, I left for the race with a boyfriend (and spoiler alert- I returned to one). I met Grant in high school and we dated for two years before I left. There is a lot I could say about long distance relationships, and a lot more I could say about Grant, but I asked him to write a blog from his side, being the one to stay behind as I booped around the world. The Lord worked in our relationship in crazy ways while we were apart, and now we are celebrating being back together! Thanks Jesus! So without further adieu, here is Grant’s freaking awesome blog (written 3 days before I got home) :
For the past nine months, I have had the immense privilege of dating Lillian while she crisscrossed the globe on the World Race. Dating Lillian this year has been one of the most difficult yet fruitful experiences of my life. It was by no means a walk in the park or always fun, but it was always good. There is so much joy in dating the girl you adore, no matter where she is or what she is doing. Of course, there were learning curves and challenges along the way, but overall it has been so rewarding. The hardest part was just missing her. There was no escaping it and it was constant. Now, as I am writing this Lillian will be back home in 3 days!!! (We have been apart for 291 days!) So, as this season of our relationship and life is coming to an end, I wanted to reflect on what I have learned through this process as well as offer some advice to anyone planning on dating through the World Race or, you know, across oceans for multiple months at a time.
When looking back at this past year I am just blown away. Blown away by how much I have grown through this process. Blown away by how blessed I have been these past nine months. Blown away with God’s goodness in our lives. In retrospect, I will forever smile and think about all of the amazing things God did in those nine months (well, nine months and 21 days, but who’s counting?) When thinking about all I have learned through this experience it’s hard to narrow it down, but I managed to pick three things that have been very impactful.
The first being reliance on God. Thinking back over this year the hardest part for me, without a doubt, was the very beginning. From the time Lillian went to training camp to the time she got to Costa Rica (her first country) I was overcome with uncertainty and insecurity. It was a sinking feeling to realize there was really nothing I could do. It felt like I completely lost any notion of control I thought I had. While this was not an easy process it forced me to really surrender my relationship with Lillian to the Lord on a whole new level. Also, more times than not, I had no ability to talk to Lillian at any given moment. It didn’t matter how badly I wanted to talk to her, even if I was willing to drive for hours or spend all the money I had, I simply could not. This, although so hard at times, led me to go straight to God rather than straight to Lillian. This was for pretty much everything – my problems, things I was stressed about, or even things I was thankful for. Really everything I would normally call Lillian to discuss. These things deepened my reliance on God in a powerful way, which was huge for finding peace in the craziness of it all.
The second take-away is personal growth. I learned so much about myself, the desires God has placed on my heart, and about who God says I am. It has been a transformational experience to understand myself in a deeper way. I had the opportunity to think, reflect, and be alone a lot more than normal. I had to go through life without Lillian physically by my side which allowed me to focus more on God and myself. God has used this separation to solidify in me who I am as an individual and grow confidence in my identity. It’s crazy how God has taken hold of our challenging circumstances and used them all for good, whether that be personal growth or deeper relationships with those around us.
The final way I would say I have grown this year is how to better love and serve Lillian, even from about seven time zones away. Just because we were physically separated didn’t mean our relationship was put on hold until she got back. We were constantly trying to grow through our new and difficult circumstances of being apart. When sporadic communication is really all we had, it forced us to either grow or completely fall apart. Thankfully our communication continued to grow through it all. I also learned so much about her and how to best lead a God-centered relationship with her. I learned how to better comfort and affirm Lillian as well as about a million other things. I am so glad we had this opportunity to grow in our relationship, God has done some really amazing things.
There are many, many more things I feel I have grown in or learned since Lillian left but that would be a 200-page book! Like I said before, I am just blown away. If you would have looked me in the eyes last August and told me how much I would grow I probably wouldn’t have believed you. Thinking about my growth this past year is just the coolest thing. If Lillian did not follow God’s calling to go on this crazy adventure, I would most likely be exactly the same as I was last August, or at least a lot closer to it than I am now. When looking through the lens of a dating relationship it makes no sense to be apart for almost ten months, but when God is in it, it doesn’t have to make sense. I am so thankful for Lillian and the months of growth resulting from her faithfulness to follow God around the world.
Now, if you are planning on dating someone who is doing the World Race, I would like to share some advice. Before Lillian left for the race we were able to read some blog posts from other couples who talked about dating through the World Race and were very encouraged by them. I thought it would be cool to share my experience as well because I know I was glad others did before me. I would like to say that I am by no means perfect and have tons of learning and growing to do, but here are a few things that worked for us and might be worth a shot.
The first is to write emails. I can’t even begin to express how thankful I am for email this year. Who knows where our relationship would be right now without the beloved Gmail. Email has probably been our main form of communication ever since we have been apart. We agreed before we left to write each other an email every night before we went to bed, whether you have WIFI or not. If you don’t have WIFI, that’s fine, write one anyway and wait until you do and send them all at once. These emails became our life-line. We were not always perfect with sending an email every single night, but generally we stayed on top of it. We now have an email chain with hundreds of emails as the race is coming to an end which is super cool. This allowed us to tell each other about our day as well as ask questions and share what God has been doing in our lives. Emails are also pretty easy to write before bed without missing out on being present where you are. It’s a win-win. If you are dating through the World Race, get a good subject line and stick with it until the end, I’m sure glad Lillian and I did.
My second piece of advice would be to set reasonable expectations and come to an agreement on things before you leave. I found it much better to set my expectation super low and then when I was able to Facetime Lillian or talk to her on the phone, it made my day, every time. Expect the worst and celebrate everything else. Also, make sure you are on the same page before you ever say goodbye. Lillian and I did this at Starbucks a few days before we were separated. We drank some overpriced coffee and wrote up a covenant of sorts. We talked about everything concerning dating long-distance and wrote down the things we felt most important for maintaining a healthy, God-centered relationship while living different lives in different countries. We titled it the Long-Distance Relationship Covenant, and both even signed the bottom, you know, just to make it official and all. When it was all said and done there were twelve things we came up with. We talked about being honest and direct with each other, with how we are feeling and how we are perceiving the other to be feeling. We talked about keeping God at the center of our relationships at all times and receiving encouragement from the Christian community we had around us. We talked about our commitment to maintaining communication without removing ourselves from where we were and those around us (prioritize not idolize). That one is much easier said than done, but that’s okay, it’s such an opportunity for growth! We also talked about our commitment to our relationship, we were both committed to making it work at all costs, but agreed to be open to God’s direction. That was huge to really be certain we were both all in and that God’s direction would really be the only thing to end our relationship. Of course, I pray just about every day that God blesses our relationship, but I know that no matter what happens God is in it and therefore it will be good. Our LDR, as we called it, was a really cool thing that Lillian and I were able to do. I can’t tell you how many times I looked at it and smiled or how God used it to grow in our relationship. I would encourage you to make a sort of long-distance relationship covenant of your own and include the things that you feel are crucial to keeping a God-centered relationship. I believe this prevented lots of potential issues between Lillian and me because we were proactive about things and were as direct as possible.
That leads me to my third point, be proactive. Lillian did such a good job of being as intentional as possible to make sure I felt loved the whole time she was gone. She made a little journal full of letters for me to read at different points throughout the year and called it my survival guide. Let me tell you, it was just that. I also was able to write Lillian some letters for her to open at different times on the race. It was such a special thing to open a letter you have been waiting to read for months. Whether you decide to write letters to each other beforehand or not, be proactive while you still can, it definitely helped us.
The fourth thing I would say is don’t freak out. God has a plan, and however you look at it, or however it ends, God will be in it and therefore it will be good. Don’t let the fear of all the “what ifs” kill your relationship before it even has a chance because the reality of it is you never really know. You just have to have faith in God’s plan and in His goodness. That doesn’t mean ignore God’s direction at the beginning of the race if he is leading you away from this relationship, but don’t let your own fear and anxiety control your relationship. This is also much easier said than done. Some things that helped me through this was listening to worship music or reading my Bible, just to remind me of God’s character and goodness. Just remember, everything will be okay and God is so, so good.
The last thing I would advise you to do is to pray, a lot. This is also a bit of a win-win because my prayer life grew ten-fold and it helped me work through the separation and find peace and comfort in the Lord. There is just no way you can do this without leaning on God. I believe that’s true for just about everything in life but especially long-distance relationships. Rely on God and rest in his presence. Pray through the difficult circumstances as well as give thanks for who he is and how he blesses. Pray, pray, pray.
Some other cool things we did that didn’t quite make the top five include making a Spotify collaborative playlist, Skype, Facetime, or WhatsApp video calls as much as possible (just find what works best where you are), and stay positive (focus on the good things and blessings in your life rather than the difficult things).
In conclusion, dating Lillian the past ten months has really been a true joy. I have learned and grown so much. There have been ups and downs and some days I just feel like I was on a rollercoaster I couldn’t control. Now as we are nearing the end it has all been so, so worth it. When it is all said and done, there is not a single angle in which I can look at this whole year and say it was not beneficial to us individually as well as for our relationship. I have never had more confidence in our relationship. I feel so blessed and don’t think I have ever been this excited in my life. These last three days may feel like a lifetime, but I know that every day we have been apart thus far has been good so I have confidence these last few days will be good as well, I just might not sleep until she finally gets home.
Deuteronomy 31:8 It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.
And there you have it…I hope this encouraged those of you who are currently in a long distance relationship on the race or really just any relationship at all. If I learned one thing from dating Grant from across the world it’s this: Gods plans for us are always better than our own. He really does have plans for us to prosper and not to fail, so trust him with everything in your life, and watch him bless you. There were so many things this year that neither Grant nor I could control, but we put God front and center and trusted him to take care of us, and he always did.
Thanks for reading 🙂
