I fill up my large, blue bucket with water and drag it into an empty stall—wooden floors, wooden walls, a curtain for privacy. I strategically hang or place my clothes where they will not get wet and begin my bucket shower. I believe I took four of these fascinating, inventive showers within the eleven days (and before you say you think thats disgusting you have to understand two things, 1. There were nearly 200 girls everyday fighting (not actually fighting) for a bucket and 2. The point of this training camp was not to stay clean).
We were almost always sweating, except at four am every night when it suddenly became cold and you had to throw a sweatshirt on real quick before falling back asleep. Because of the constant humidity and sweatiness wet wipes quickly became my friend and apart of my nightly routine, which looked something like this—brushing teeth with water bottle water, leaving dirty chacos outside of tent (I wanted to keep my little home clean), changing into “pj’s” (clean-ish clothes I had, often would wear next day), using wet wipes to clean feet and wherever else felt especially sweaty, organizing my things to be ready to be packed up the next day (since nearly everyday we had to pack up our tent and belongings into our large pack just to set everything back up later on), then reading one chapter of Mark, and finishing the night with my daily journaling—usually asleep by 11:15 if I’m lucky.
Up the next morning around 6 to the sound of girls waiting on their bucket shower or to squad members who were much more of morning people than I will ever be. My squad of 47 was staying right next to the girls “showers”. It was a blessing and a curse.
Since eleven days is a pretty long time I figured we would have a good amount of free time, because how much stuff can they possibly plan for eleven days? The answer is a lot.
Coming home I feel tired inevery way.
I also feel blessed and brave and joyous.
I feel free—a word Jesus whispered to me almost everyday.
Beyond what I “feel” I know so many truths. I know I was made for this (even when I feel like I wasn’t). I know God is not a God of confusion but of clarity and of peace. I know I have the besttttt team ever. I know He loves me. And I know He listened when I prayed for a team I could connect with. A team I would learn from and grow with. He listened and He answered. Thank you Jesus for team COURAGE.
I will be living and serving Jesus with these six girls and I could not be more excited to do life with them for nine months. Each exhibit Jesus and His love in such marvelous ways. Each are different. I feel beyond thankful for this exact group of six girls who will soon become my sisters. Jesus knew exactly what kind of people I needed. He always does and has now blessed me with another amazing community I can pour into and get filled by.
On my most overwhelming days at training camp they showed me their hearts and quickly became the comfort and safe place I needed. I pray I have done and will do the same for them.
Beyond the seven of us, meet my entire squad of 47! Within the eleven days there was a plethora of laughs, cries, sessions, and stories I could share. But this blog would soon become a novel. Simply know, that the eleven days were hard. But they were spent with some of the most beautiful souls that will make leaving America for nine months a little easier.
I can not wait for this year of growth and freedom, more bucket showers and more porta potties. I am hanging on to every moment while being home in sweet Lebanon for the next seven weeks and would greatly appreciate all your prayers in this very strange and hard transition time for me!
I know the nine months will be hard and exhausting, (since even the eleven days were trying), but I also know I was made for this and when I am weak He is strong! I will be surrounded by such a strong community of strong believers who will point me back to Jesus everyday even in the midst of anxiety and and a tired spirit.
During worship one of the nights where everything felt extra tough and too overwhelming, where Satan’s lies were getting stuck on replay in my head, I was crying out to Jesus a simple prayer, “Jesus, shower me with your freedom.”
In that moment I wanted Him to make everything easier. I wanted comfort. I wanted peace. I wanted home.
Instead He gave me truth.
He answered me, quite simply, “I already have.”
(Jesus answered this prayer for me throughout the week, ask me in person and I’d love to show you how His crazy love was poured out on me. Or any other questions you may have! So much happened at training camp and Id love to meet and talk more about it. Thank you to everyone that prayed for me, I needed it more than you know! I am roughly $5,ooo away from being fully funded and appreciate every single donation. My next goal is to be fully funded by September 8!)
