As a child my grandmother and I were always really close. When I was young she told me that every time she saw a bluebird she knew that was a reminder from God, telling her that He loved her. She then suggested that I too pick out something, that reminds me of the love of God for my life every time I see it. I picked a butterfly.
& it’s been amazing to see how the Father displays His love for me in the times where I feel the furthest from it.
The other day I woke up at 5 AM, from my little cot on the floor surrounded by other cots in the floor. My sweet team and I are pretty crammed up together this month. As I laid there wide awake my heart and mind were flooded with emotions as I wrestled with who the Father said I was.
You see, I sat on a plane from Bogota, Colombia to Medellin and asked the Father what He wanted to do for me these next 11 months. I know He has so much to teach me in these next few months as I seek to serve others and point them closer to the Father’s heart, but I want to be super intentional about my own personal growth. As the turbulence escalated and my heart started racing He told me to leave it all behind. Totally unsure of what that meant I sat with it for a while.
What exactly do you want me to leave behind?
It wasn’t long before He began reminding me of the lies I’ve believed about myself. Lies spoke over me from people, lies I’ve projected onto myself from choices I’ve made, lies I’ve believed based on good people with good intentions who didn’t understand the truth of the Gospel, and even some who did. He also started pointing out lies I’ve believed about Him from bad teaching, bad theology, a mixture of circumstances, and a slew of other things I’ve subconsciously believed things about the Father that weren’t true. & finally, He pointed me in the directions of others and the lies I’ve believe about people and community and living a life on mission.
On paper it sounds great, but when the Father made it so clear that in Medellin He wants to help me dismantle the lies I’ve believed that have been spoken over me by people it becomes a little harder. In order to dismantle them and finding healing from them, you have to think about them. A LOT.
& that’s hard. I’ve had to learn to the trust the Father all over again with the pieces of my heart I try the hardest to hide. I’ve had to learn what it looks like to be vulnerable with a God who already knows it all. It’s been both exhausting and challenging and so beautiful all at the same time.
By 6 AM that morning, I finally convinced myself to get up and go on the roof top terrace to spend some time with Jesus. My prayer for that morning was that today, on our day off of planned ministry that the Father would show me just how much He loved me to revive my soul. Cause let’s be real, you cannot give from an empty well.
I prayed it and then honestly forgot that I had asked the Father to do that. I ate breakfast and went about my day.
That was, until some friends and I decided since we had the day off to go explore the city we were living in and go to their zoo. A zoo we had heard was incredible. We walked around the zoo for an hour or so before we came to this enclosure full of flowers and tall walls. As we walked closer, we found it to be a butterfly garden.
We walked through a narrow path full of flowers and fruits and butterflies upon butterflies. At one point I stopped and internalized the reality that we serve a God who always hears and always sees.
The Father loves me enough to not let me hold onto the hurts of my past. He loves me enough to allow me to go through the pain of opening back up the things I’ve tried so hard to hide so He can bring about true healing. He loves me enough to sit with me in that pain. BUT He also loves me enough to intentionally plan a day for me to walk in a butterfly garden and have a physical reminder of how he surrounds me with His love.
& oh how sweet it is to be surrounded by the love of the Father.
