I sat on the floor of my apartment last night with tears rolling down my face as I tried my best to stuff everything I’ll need for the next two weeks at training camp into a backpack, doing my best to not think about the fact that I’ll have to live out of this same backpack for a year. That, still somewhat blows my mind.
I sat on our floor frustrated at my inability to pack this backpack well and utterly confused wondering if I was under packing or overpacking or both.
There are moments, when I stop and ask the Lord if this is really what His plan is for my life. While over the last few months I’ve grown increasingly more excited about the season of head, I am certainly beyond unqualified. Frustrating at times, I know this is His plan. He is working on my heart and soul to continually redeem the brokenness within, while still shedding light on the brokenness within others, something that yet again blows my mind. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the fact that HE CHOOSES ME to share the Gospel, He chooses me to share HIS HOPE!
I sat there and the song “I Will Follow” by Vertical Worship came on. If you’ve never heard it, you can click HERE to listen to it, and I’d highly encourage you too because it’s wonderful. The whole premise of the song is about following Jesus in all seasons of life. The good, the bad, the joyful, and the mourning, from the start to the very end.
The last course says “When I find myself so far from home and you lead me somewhere that I don’t want to go… When I come to end this race I’ve run and I receive the prize that Christ has won. Yes I will be with you in paradise. Yes, I will be with you in paradise.”
With tears streaming down my face (shocking I know) I was reminded all the more why the Father has called me to this. & that while, I may feel beyond unqualified, I am more than able through him and because of Him.
The truth is I don’t have to have been camping before to love people well. I don’t know how to pack a backpack the best to be able to share the truth and the grace found in the Gospel well. I have a story and a calling and a passion that the Father has so graciously given to me, and therefore I will run the race that He has set before me, knowing that in the end I will be with Him in paradise.
So tonight, sitting in my room doing my best to process these last few weeks in D.C. and prepare for training tomorrow, full of mixed emotions and feelings. I rest in the assurance that this is the path He’s set before me, and so come what may, this is where we’re going.
& if you’d be willing to I would love it if you would pray for my team and I during the next few days! Tomorrow morning, I fly out to Atlanta for training camp and for the next two weeks we will be training and preparing for this next season ahead.
Much love & Many blessings, Lauren
