I sat in my room the other day exhausted. I had only been up for a few hours and I was so tired. My head was pounding. I didn’t feel good physically, but mentally was even worse as my mind began to be flooded with questions. “Lauren are you really this tired after that?” “Take some medicine and get over it?” and on and on they went. I had no clue when the doctor told me I had a concussion that it would lead to this!
I made myself some lunch & turned on some music before laying down to rest. The song, was none of than my new favorite that is constantly on repeat in my home these days.
The song was Hills and Valleys, by Tauren Wells.
“On the mountains, I will bow my life to the one who set me there. In the valley, I will lift my eyes to the one who sees me there. When I’m standing on the mountain aft, didn’t get there on my own. When I’m walking through the valley end, no I am not alone! You’re God of the hills and valleys! Hills and Valleys! God of the hills and valleys. And I am not alone!”
As the song played, it reminded me of the sermon I heard last Saturday about Paul and the church of Philippi.
You see, Paul was serving God. He was following in obedience to the Lord and the calling God had placed on His life and preaching the Gospel. Paul had a heart for those far from the Gospel. Both Jew & Gentle alike Paul openly shared the Gospel with boldness and grace. Yet, when Paul wanted to go to Asia, God said no. God told Paul He couldn’t go there to share the Gospel. I don’t know what that looks like or why Jesus, would say no. But He stopped Paul from going.
I sat in a service Saturday night as the pastor stood on stage and preached about the reality that God told Paul no. Not no to earthy riches, not no marriage, or something of this earth. He told Paul that no, he could no go there and preach the gospel! What?!?! Only years before, Jesus did not stop Paul from killing Christians. He did not stop Paul from killing Stephen, but He stopped Him from going to Asia to share the Gospel.
Yet, the beauty is that because God said no to sharing the Gospel in Asia, God lead Paul to Macedonia. Yet, to get there He had to go through Philippi. Because God said no to Asia, Paul met Lydia and the church at Philippi began. Because God said no, the church was brought into the western world. & through a woman nonetheless. Because God said no, the church of Phillip grew and grew and we now have the book of Philippians in our Bibles.
God said no, because He foresaw what was ahead and in love, He said wait. The church went global because God said no. It went global because Paul did not look at the no and get discouraged and loose heart, but instead He looked at the Father & trusted him. He kept walking even when the path wasn’t clear. Even when God did not make sense.
I share this, because I sat there and found myself in a place of similar frustration. For the last week, I’ve sat at home recovering from a concussion questioning the Father. Yes, I trust Him. Yes, I know that the Shepherd has led me here, yet the question of ‘why’ remains heavy on my heart. As I scroll through social media and see all the great things happening at camp, it’s hard not to ask God why he removed me. Why he said no. I was sharing the Gospel with campers. Every week I was leading children to the Lord. I have the chance to come alongside and encourage other believers, both young and old. I was doing the very thing God had called me to do. & for some reason, He allowed me to become injured. He said no. He made me stop. & if I am not careful, I start to question the Lord in that.
& honestly, those feelings are valid. It is okay to feel that way & to question it. Yet, if I remain there I miss the far greater good. The reality that Paul was so quick to point out and remain confident in. The truth being that it is not about him. Or me. It’s about the Father. His glory. His kingdom. His plan. Not mine.
He allowed me the gift of working for WinShape for 7 weeks and then, He took them away because He would be more glorified in me being home. & I don’t have to understand that or what it looks like. He doesn’t need me to share the Gospel with campers, there are hundreds of other qualified WinShape staffers who are more than able. He doesn’t need me. Or my story. Or my talents. Or my experience. He is more than capable of accomplishing His will apart from me. Yet, in His love He gives me the chance to partake in His goodness. To see His glory revealed. To be a vessel in which He bring hope and healing to others. & that my friend is a great gift. A gift I am so underserving of.
“The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord!”
I love that Job stated this. Because it’s true. The Lord gives and just as He gives, He takes away. I get that. But what I far too often fail to see if the last part. Blessed be His Name. His name. Not mine. Not Lauren’s.
I do not see the full picture of the will of God. I do not understand the scope of His goodness or glory. I don’t understand what He does. But, what I do know is that WinShape was a gift and he has taken it away, so that His name would be blessed. & right now, it is a gift to be at home. To be surrounded by some of the Godliest parents. To sit under Godly teaching from my home church. To be with friends, I’ve called friends forever. It’s a gift. Yet, my calling does not change. My purpose does not change.
Just like Paul, my location does not change my calling. I am called to share the Gospel. I am called to love others & love them well. I am called to rejoice always, pray without ceasing, and give thanks in all things. I am called to be become more like Jesus. That doesn’t change. It never will. My location is vastly different. My role has changed. My job has changed. My location had changed. But my calling has not changed.
& Paul got that. He knew that just because God did not call Him to Asia, it didn’t mean God wasn’t calling Him. It did not mean God was done with him. It did not mean He was not good enough, or incapable of ministering well there. It simply meant God had another plan. A plan He didn’t reveal to Paul, but rather simply said trust me. Trust me when my answer is yes & trust me when my answer is no.
So here’s to trusting Jesus when He says no. Trusting Him when I don’t understand. Trusting Him when I would have written a different story. Trusting Him in all things, under all circumstances, knowing that He has a plan and it’s far better than anything my small mind could have imagined.
“He is before all things, and in Him all things are held together!” Colossians 1:17
Much love & Many blessings, Lauren
*** Also friends, if you’d like to hear the message, that I heard this weekend that stirred my heart so deeply and taught me more about when God says no, you can click the link HERE to hear the sermon, by Steven Furtick of Elevation Church. I’d seriously, strongly suggest it!
