Training Camp. The 10 days that I had been anxiously awaiting since I got accepted to the World Race. This was the moment I would figure out what exactly I was getting myself into. I was told it would be hard, physically, emotionally, & spiritually. I was told that for 10 days straight, I would be restricted to bucket showers, tents, & interesting food from all over the world. While all of those were true, I had no idea the ways in which the Lord would also impact my heart!
I think the overarching theme throughout my time at training was facing & conquering fear. If I’m being completely honest, I hadn’t really let myself process the fact that I will be leaving the U.S. for a year to do ministry overseas. I was so excited & focused on that excitement rather than the fears that were running through my head. (Because who the heck likes processing fears??) But as I boarded a plane for Atlanta, Georgia those fears resurfaced full force & the question inside my head “What in the world are you doing?!” was deafening. BUT God is SO good & SO gracious as He was quick to answer that question throughout the entirety of camp.
So here’s a real & raw look into 3 BIG fears I had for this next chapter of my life & how the Lord pushed me (& carried me) through training camp in order to face them.
A huge fear I had was of radical abandon. While, admittedly, I don’t wash my hair as much as my friends would probably like & most of my clothes come from thrift stores or hand-me downs, I would say that upon arriving at training camp I was NOT prepared to live out of a backpack for a year. I wouldn’t say I live a particularly boujie lifestyle in the States, but I definitely always have access to a hot shower, more clothes than I know what to do with, & the ability to drink coffee with creamer every morning &, frankly, parting with these simple luxuries was not something I was looking forward to. But as I arrived in Georgia with just a backpack & tent to my name I quickly realized that this was a lifestyle I had to get used to. During camp the Lord constantly reminded me of Luke 14 & the cost of discipleship. I was being challenged to live a life of radical abandon for the Lord & that terrified me. Initially feeling restricted & limited I didn’t necessarily see the beauty of living my life that way. But soon, I learned that the more you give up, the more room there is for Jesus to fill you up & that was the most freeing thing of all! He has to come first. It’s a humbling lesson to learn, but our love for Him has to come before our love for our family, friends, & the comfort of our home. While I still don’t particularly enjoy bucket showers & having my pack taken away one night was not ideal, I got to experience the fullness of trusting the Lord to provide patience & flexibility & teammates who will let you sleep in their tent & sleeping bag when you don’t have one (thx Talia girl!) God showed me that following Jesus doesn’t require a lot. Just a whole lotta love & trust in Him & He will fill you up every which-way in return.
Another big fear I had was the loss of community. Upon arriving at camp I was immediately surrounded by 200 people I’ve never met & I realized just how far away I was from my community back home. I quickly felt very lonely & unknown. Almost immediately I was pushed to lean on the Lord as my companion & ultimate source of comfort. Psalm 139 says that I shall NEVER flee from His presence & He KNOWS deeply every inch of my soul. He pulled me close & called me Known & once that happened I realized that no matter where I was in the world His presence was all I needed. He was then gracious enough to take me to deep places with my teammates where I saw just how similar these peoples hearts were to mine. We quickly bonded over our hopes & fears of the next year, how absolutely disgusting crickets taste, & how sore our backs were every morning from sleeping in a tent the night before. We worshipped the Lord together, prayed together, & studied scripture together. I found that while I may be leaving an incredible community in the States, I was being welcomed into a new one. One founded on our love for the Lord & a deep desire to see lives transformed overseas.
But possibly the biggest fear of all was saying “yes.” My heart has always been heavy for those lost & hurting. I believe that all of us should feel burdened in our hearts for those who don’t know Jesus, but coming into training camp I found that my shoulders were also heavy. Jesus claims that His yoke is easy & His burden is light, but so far I was not finding that to be true. I feared saying, “yes” to God because if I failed at whatever I was agreeing to, well, then God must be disappointed. Man, I was so wrong. At training we talked a lot about the Kingdom of God & how to seek it. I discovered that the Kingdom is found when Jesus works in the hearts of His people to make glorious things happen on Earth…when JESUS works in the hearts of His people. It smacked me right in the face. I was carrying this weight of responsibility that I had no reason to carry. Saying “yes” does not mean that God just pats me on the back, sends me out, & says, “okay let me know when you’ve succeeded!” No. He is the one guiding me, leading the conversations, & creating the relationships. I am not the one in charge of changing lives & it was arrogant of me to think so! We are simply here on this Earth to live out our “YES!” to Him & to follow where He is leading us. We don’t have to feel burdened because as soon as we say “yes” & put that faith into action, wonderful, life-changing things begin to happen. Saying “yes” led me to deep prayer with a wise woman battling depression, making a sweet new friend on an airplane, & writing this blog post. It doesn’t have to be big, ginormous steps. Start small & you will be amazed at what God will do through you when you say “yes” & give the rest to Him.
Now I am back in Texas for another month & a half, where I can enjoy hot showers, tex mex, & coffee in the mornings with plenty of creamer. But if there’s anything that changed over training camp, it’s that the Lord has given me a newfound confidence that transcends all fear. I have felt 1 John 4:18 in action. I got to rest in His perfect love & watch as He casted out my fears. I know that this journey is only beginning & my next year will be far from smooth sailing. There will be ups & downs & silly fears that will get in the way, but now I have confidence in that question that was pounding in my head on the plane headed for Georgia. I am going on the World Race to live a life solely for Him & the people we’ll be serving overseas & I am so ready for the wonderful & radical things He has in store.
(P.S. below are pics of my INCREDIBLE & beautiful teammates! I am so beyond blessed to get to travel the world with these people. God is doing BIG things through them AMEN.)
