Dear Me,
It’s funny when you step into a leadership position all of a sudden you’re highly in tune to all of your flaws. Month 6-8 for you was full of internal battles of who you were. You wanted to be more than enough for P Squad as one of their raised up squad leaders.
However, it wasn’t always an issue. Because you thrived. Month 6 debrief was so fun for you. You felt in your element and loved all the easy and hard things about that week. Administration is your love language, I mean not technically, but it just really fills you! Now that I look back, when you were doing things you felt great. And when you felt like there was nothing for you to do you immediately wanted to find something.
Side note: Just a couple days ago I was reading The Road Back To You, about the enneagram. I am a type Two and one of the questions it asks us Twos to think about is, “who am I when nobody needs me?” Wow, there couldn’t have been a more direct and eye opening question for me than that.
This question that was posed in the book really helps me look back and analyze all of your (past Kyndal) intentions in the last few months.
The Helper in you wanted to do everything to help out the squad you were leading. But God wanted you to just stop. He wanted you to be still and know that you are enough. But “doing” was how you felt like you were getting approval from Him. But really you were seeking approval of man and trumping what they said (or more so what they didn’t say) over who God says you are.
Eastern Europe was not the most fun continent for you. But YOU can thank YOURSELF for that. YOU struggled because YOU weren’t satisfied. Which a hunger can be good and it was at times but YOU weren’t satisfied with YOURSELF. It was an internal battle that eventually took over and at month 8 debrief you felt like a wreck. BUT YOU FINALLY sat with it Instead of covering up the feelings with doing, you listened and felt.
I’m so thankful you went through what you did in the last few months. Shoot, if you hadn’t then you would at some point. I love some good growth and it’s definitely what you got.
However, the last three months weren’t a complete struggle either. There were some really fun and incredible moments through Eastern Europe. In the 3 countries you got to be with 3 different teams. The first brought out a goofiness in you that you loved. The second was fun but also pushed you in my spiritual walk and it was an amazing month of fully relying on God for ministry. And the third team was so intentional and fun that you felt so loved by them. Then you got a sweet visit from your momma! Which I won’t talk about here but you can check out my last blog, RoMOMia, to read about it all!
Eastern Europe ended with an emotional week at debrief but the brokenness was needed. You THOUGHT you had taken care of the approval of man but you had only covered it with other things. So it was a week of humility and sitting in the brokenness because sometimes moving on isn’t exactly what you need in the moment.
During worship on one of the last days, some people went around and prayed over each of y’all, and you bawled. You had an amazing moment with God and just let it all out. This thing called “approval of man” has weighed over you for far too long. It led you down paths of terrible destruction. And just because approval of man doesn’t always look like hurting others, it’s ALWAYS gonna hurt YOU.
So as you left Romania you left approval of man and picked up the Lord’s truths that you finally believed for yourself and don’t just say half heartedly. YOU ARE ENOUGH, CHOSEN, WORTHY, SEEN, APPOINTED, LOVED, BEAUTIFUL, HIS, and So. Much. More.
It’s funny cause you could speak these truths over others any day. But it took way too long and was quite the struggle to accept these for yourself.
But thank you God for a continent of learning to love myself as Kyndal Nicole Broome because you already do and always will!
XOXO,
Kyndal
UPDATE & PRAYER REQUESTS:
- We head to country #10 in a week so prayers for safe travels!
- I leave for training camp on July 4th so please pray for safe travels for me!
- Pray over W Squad, who I will be leading and that their hearts are ready for all that God has in store for them. I pray revival happens at training camp and the really come alive in Christ.
- And P Squad as we finish the race. Pray that we stay present as we also prepare for what’s next.
- Fundraising! I am currently selling Go Rings, so prayers that it goes well. Also go check it out if you’re interested! Gorings.com
