Water is muy importante. Especially when you travel between different countries and elevations. Water gives life. If you don’t get enough you will get sick and end up missing out on life.
I knew this, and was drinking water everyday but the amount I was getting…not enough. As we got to El Salvador there was something about the water that tasted weird. It was filtered but just had a funny taste so I wasn’t too excited to drink it. Then all of a sudden we were surrounded by Starbucks and Wendy’s and Burger King and Pappa Johns, and as we ate this fast food a soda sounded really good. I’ll just have one here…then for dinner later, and oh sure what’s another? “I’ll get more water later,” Is what I kept saying to myself.
Now, as I lay sick on my bed a week later, I realize those little moments added up. It’s been a while since I had that much soda and I was skipping out on the important water intake I needed! Now my stomach hates me and so do I. *and let me take this moment for my mom and grandmas out there, I’ll be okay, just needed some rest and lots of water. My team is taking good care of me!*
But what hit me in this moment of an upset stomach is that this is exactly what life is like when I don’t get enough Jesus.
Last month before we left our host home in Honduras, our host had us all draw out of a bag that was filled with little slips of paper, each having a fruit of the spirit on it. She said it might be a fruit we need to improve in or one that we do well and this will affirm that. As I pulled mine out I read “faithfulness.” My first thought was, “ oh thank goodness, it’s not patience.” Lol But then I wasn’t sure if this is a fruit I walk well in or one I’ve slipped off the path a little.
So as I came into month three I was praying about it and did a dive into this fruit. I watched sermons on it and looked up the definition. I wanted to have a better understanding and I got it…
Faith | ful | ness
faithful, loyal, constant, staunch, steadfast, resolute. Means firm in adherence to whatever one owes allegiance. Faithful implies unswerving adherence to a person or thing or to the oath or promise by which a tie was contracted.
Did you catch that last sentence? UNSWERVING adherence to a person, which in this case I’m not talking about a human, but God. The most faithful of all.
I thought this was a fruit I was good in but quickly realized I’m not. It’s a work in progress, Don’t get me wrong I’ve really improved in the fruit of faithfulness but I realized I began to settle. And what got me were the words “constant” and “steadfast” under the definition of faithfulness. *Calling myself out right now*- I pick and choose when to be faithful.
This time of year is the most triggering to my singleness which then has a domino effect on my faithfulness to the Lord. All the sappy posts of the holiday season together and the countless engagements in front of a Christmas tree or the beautiful light displays make my heart hurt. (If you are one of those people, I don’t mean to take away from your moment, I am genuinely excited to see people taking that next step and seeing such pure joy for their future.)
BUT now I’m realizing why there’s a sting of bitterness and jealousy inside me- it’s because I’ve not been faithful. I say I trust the Lord with all my heart but I let somebody else’s happiness plant a seed of doubt in my head and immediately lose focus from God. I become so anxious for that day when I get to walk down the isle. And many of you know I had that chance before and it didn’t happen. There’s a time for everything and that just wasn’t my time. And what I’m realizing now is that in order to have a marriage on earth I must first be a faithful bride to the Lord.
If I’m not faithful to him, how can I be faithful to anyone here?? My happiness won’t be found in a man and my identity most definitely wont be complete in a man either. Many times that’s what we think but more times than not it only leads to rejection, or hurt that takes us lower than we were before. Only from the Lord can I get what I NEED. His love is perfect and drives out all lies and fears.
It hurts when we don’t feel fought for or chosen. I want to be somebody’s first choice. And through this time of singleness I’m seeing that I am. The Lord has chosen me. There’s a reason I’m here and I’ve been through what I have. And the only way to grow and prepare me for the next season is to be faithful in this one.
I need to be faithful to the Lord like I need to be chugging water. Don’t let the little glimpses of happiness in others or a tasty soda take you off track. I’m learning to fully depend on the Lord when I feel alone or like I’m missing out on something. How reassuring it is to know the Lord is fighting for me and has been for quite some time now.
When I am faithful to Him, there will be peace in the waiting, joy in the pain and a light like no other in the darkness. As I work on this fruit of the spirit I am working to fill my mind with truths from the Bible instead of the lies I’ve been letting take over.
I AM LOVED. I AM CHOSEN. I AM FOUGHT FOR.
I’m writing these truths down and they will be going through my head each day until I firmly believe them. I write this blog as an encouragement to myself and maybe some of you out there. Take what you know in your brain and start putting it on repeat until you wholeheartedly believe them in your heart as well. That will be the game changer!
Well at least something came from my sick day at home. I’m going to go drink more water now.
Love you all,
Kyn
