It’s only the third day of launch and I am wrecked. I just want to share a story about these past few days and you are going to love it, so get ready!
God is SO COOL. This key was made just for me and when they prayed over my key this was the word they heard-FREE.
I was so excited when I opened it yesterday but wasn’t exactly sure what it meant for me. After we got the keys we headed to worship. I knew something didn’t feel quite right in my heart. I felt like I was going through the motions of launch but the excitement and readiness I had felt at training camp was completely gone. As I stood there in worship I could feel the Lord wanting to show me something. I grabbed the key I just received and sent a prayer to God: “God, I really don’t know what is going on in my head. I’ve been looking forward to this moment for so long so why am I hesitant. I don’t know what you have planned for me but I pray for freedom and that you show me how it applies to my life.”
Do you ever send a prayer to God and then get up and start going about your day and God just grabs you and says, “child, sit back down, don’t you want to hear what I have to say?” To be honest, I sent that prayer up and figured it was something he was gonna show me while I was out on the field a couple months into the race. But immediately I felt a stirring in my heart.
So I stood there and quieted my mind. And literally the next song the band played in worship was NO LONGER SLAVES. I mean…come on God, how could he speak more clearly about freedom than through this song. I was immediately overcome with so many emotions I couldn’t hold them in anymore. The lyrics to this song had me so excited.
“IM NO LONGER A SLAVE TO FEAR”-While singing this song it hit me. I was scared. I had so many fears jumping around in my head. FEAR of the unknown. FEAR of failure. FEAR of sickness. FEAR of not saying all the right things at the right time. FEAR of not obeying God when he calls me to do something.
I realized how paralyzing these fears were. I was unable to fully be in the moment. I was holding onto failures of my past and letting them determine how I felt about the future. I sat down and wrote all that I was realizing I was fearful of and gave it over to God. I didn’t want to live in fear but fully trust God with each day.
It was such a moving experience I wanted to immediately blog about it. But when I tried writing it last night I couldn’t find the words I wanted to say so I hit pause and went to bed. Then this morning I sat down before session and tried writing it again but still was at a loss for words. So I went about my day and to be honest it was a rough day.
I felt like nothing was working out and I was ready for a turn around. Before one of our sessions this evening I talked with my squad leader and she just prayed over me and for all the stress to be gone. I sat down and our speaker, Karen Dilbeck, started sharing something she felt the Holy Spirit wanted her to say.
She had it written down and it said, “there is a girl and she is quiet and she has never spoken in front of a large group. But I (Holy Spirit) have told her that she is to say something here tonight and now is that time.”
I’m not kidding as soon as she said “there is a girl” I felt the Holy Spirit tug at my heart. I didn’t know what she was about to say but knew it was for me. Then I heard the rest of it and was like, “God this isn’t me right, what am I suppose to say??” So I sat and waited. Then Karen went on and said, it’s okay if this girl doesn’t come forward now but she will sweat the whole time I’m talking because she knows she is suppose to come up here.
And of course I was already sweating and knew I didn’t want to continue to sit in that guilty conscience of knowing I should say something so I raised my hand. She called me to the stage and I was cheered on by the squads as I walked up there. But the whole way up there I was thinking to myself “I can’t believe you are doing this, what are you gonna say??”
Then the Lord just spoke to me, “your key” so that’s exactly what I talked about! One of my awesome teammates recorded this special moment for me so I have attached the video in this blog for you to watch. I’m glad she thought to do so because I really don’t remember what I said up there. All I know is God called me up there and gave me the words to say.
Another cool thing is that our coaches for P Squad had asked us all to pick a word that starts with “p” that we felt called to for the year. And about a month ago I chose the word PROCLAIM.
And here I was already being called to proclaim at launch! I really thought that moment would first happen once I was in another country but the Lord used me in front of the 90+ fellow racers going through launch with me.
Wow, what a cool day. It’s so cool when we just say YES. I know this year will have many hard days but I am excited for more moments like this where I can say, “yes” to God and watch him move through me.
