You can say what you want.
But if you believe in the same Jesus that I believe in, you know that He has a sense of humor.
I can always count on that. I can always count on His sense of humor, and the fact that He always knows best.
I wrote in my first blog post about the race, that I love many different parts of life. I believe that is a big part of who I am, and I believe it will always remain true.
When I dedicated to the World Race, back in August of 2017, I could have left that day. I could have hopped on a plane, jumped in a car, and never looked back. Who knows what would have happened if anything in my life had been different, at any moment in time. I had wanted to go on the World Race for so long… I felt like I was at a crossroads that felt like “now or never”. I’ve always had such a strong faith and a fearless heart, I believe there are many times in my life when Jesus could have sent me. If it was His will.
The next part I’m about to write about, is not something that I am excited to share. I can be very prideful, and I am a hard worker. I spend most of my off time volunteering or working in other areas of my life. I am constantly moving, going, or getting into something that feeds my soul or helps anyone and everyone around me. I’m the first to hand out a hard time to people that take sick days, show up late for work, let other people do their work, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I love sleeping in on a good Saturday morning, but I think laziness is a close second the root of all evil. I absolutely hate admitting my physical limits. I have prayed and prayed and prayed over sharing what I’ve been through in the last few months, but time has passed, some wounds are healing, and I feel that I should. I don’t consider myself a private person, but these are parts of my life that I have wanted to keep to myself. Until they became a part of my story.
I’ve always pushed myself. The occasional cold, stomach bug, or headache never slowed me down. I’ve always just pushed through sickness in my life. I’ve never had much time for it.
All of these personal qualities became my biggest enemy when I was diagnosed with my illness in 2016. I lost 20 pounds, could barely eat, and I was sleeping for 12-14 hours every night. All while I was trying to graduate from college.
I was living with my aunt and uncle at the time, and with a combination of being in their care, having two parents that refused to take “we don’t know what’s wrong with your daughter” for an answer, just the right doctors at the right time, angels as professors and cooperating teachers, and an Almighty God, they finally gave a name to my nightmare: Ulcerative Colitis. UC is an autoimmune disease, that directly affects my colon, but comes with different side affects like joint pain and dehydration. The list varies for different people, but the one that limits me the most is the general rule of thumb for autoimmune diseases:
colds, flus, viruses, bacteria, any fungus, any germ, or any disease, any overly stimulating physical activity, truly, honestly anything that we humans come in contact with every day
is multiplied by a million in the body of a person with an autoimmune disease.
I honestly had so much faith in the timing and so many other factors in my life, that it was time for me to go on the World Race. My heart that had dreamed of serving so fearlessly, turned into a mind that thought carelessly, and let me say it louder for the people in the back, that is dangerous territory my friend. Decisions are meant to be made with both your head and your heart, at the right place, and the right time, both of them, on the same page.
My hopes and dreams were coming alive right before me, and the support was unreal. It all seemed to be coming together.
Until the last few weeks of December. With Christmas closing in, I had made it to my halfway point of my second year of teaching, and I was ready for some time off. I had no idea how tired my weary body truly was.
I went in for a routine flexible sigmoidoscopy (a colon biopsy in fancy doctor terms) on December 18th. The results were not life-threatening, but needless to say, not fit for a year of traveling. My doctor came in with sad eyes. And I left the doctors office with a broken heart.
To make a long story short, I have been sick ever since then. With the largest influenza epidemic to swipe through our school system in years, and the other rampant germs that have been circulating through our schools, the Lord started revealing to me what it felt like to be sick again, here in America. Where we have insurance and good healthcare. One day slowly flowed into the next, and it took me almost the entire month of January to get over the flu. Every day that went by I felt less and less at peace with my plans to travel. So I called my doctors, my squad leader, and I prayed.
After some time, some tears, some serious pros and cons, my doctors, my family and I have come to the mutual decision that it won’t be good for my health to be away from my doctors, out of their care for an entire year. As sad as it was at first, I am really at peace with everything in my life, and I know that everything has happened for a reason.
HOWEVER!! THERE IS GREAT NEWS!
Since I got so much support so early on, I’ll get to spend the money that was raised for my trip on a short term trip to the Philippines!!! I plan on continuing to work with Adventures in Missions, and in different parts of the mission field in general throughout the year, and throughout my life. I will always spend every moment and every breath spreading the love of our Jesus, no matter where He puts me, or when He puts me there.
(Just as a sidetone, I will still be leaving my current job at the end of May.)
Like I said at the beginning, I have stressed/worried/prayed/worried some more/got upset/got angry, etc. about how or if I even would share all of this publicly. But then, in the middle of the night (is it just me or does Jesus never sleep) Jesus woke me up to say:
Ya know, you always get so hype about the church only celebrating victories. You’re the first one to call out the people that never celebrate the hardships and the tough roads that got people where they are today. You are the first one to root for the underdog, the david instead of the goliath, and here you are beating yourself up instead of cheering yourself on.
My God met me where I was at and said
You don’t get to be this proud Christian one day, and not one on the days when things don’t work out like you thought they would. You were ready to jump on a plane and leave everything behind for a year a few weeks ago. Now I need you to follow this new path as boldly and as fearlessly as you were going to walk down that one.
Our God is a God with an immaculate sense of humor my friends.
Because he took the girl that surrendered it all, prepared to risk her life, the girl that was so ready to leave
And told her to stay.
This will be my last post on my World Race blog, but I’m going to start a new personal blog and I will be posting it to social media soon.
May the Lord Bless you and Keep You
And may He meet you where you’re at.
…
Psalm 86:15
Hebrews 10:23
Lamentations 3:23
