I met Chloe at training camp and immediately felt safe with her. We talked about faith and doubt and jobs and how we got on the Race, all in the first 20 minutes of friendship. It didn’t take long before Chloe’s boyfriend came up, an Irish farmer named Charlie, whom she was leaving for 11 months to do the work God had called her into. The way Chloe talked about Charlie was different than most relationships I’ve been around, not because the words she used were any different, but the way she said them was. Charlie is undoubtedly her person. And I’m a doubter, especially in relationships.
Vulnerable aside: I’ve been blessed to have grown up in a home where my parents are still happily together, but I’ve cynically assumed they’re the exception. Especially since half of Christian marriages end in divorce. I’ve gone to all private Christian schools my whole life, and each directly or indirectly pushed marriage on its students. And I hesitate to say it, but especially on women. I’m a counterphobic 6 on the enneagram, which means I don’t do too well with authority figures I haven’t deemed “safe” telling me what I should do.
For a while now I’ve harbored resentment in my heart toward a future that includes marriage. My innermost thoughts say that relationships either work beautifully or crash and hurt hard. So my superficial ideal life has thus far included a successful humanitarian job (which I realize seems unlikely as a ministry major, but God can do miracles!), a single bedroom apartment in some larger city, and a German Shepherd I’m buying when I get home. And that’s it. But deep down my ideal life has been to find someone who’d love me deeply and entirely, who’d never leave me, and who’d forever choose to journey this life and beyond with me. But it’s a lot easier to just assume that won’t happen, which I know drives my mom crazy (“But I want grandkids!” “Well mom, good thing you have another child. You can grandmother my dog.” -an excerpt from real banter we’ve had. Love u mom).
But then I met Chloe. She and Charlie are getting married in September 2019, after over two years together, and 11 months together only in spirit because, ya know, God/the World Race. Through Chloe, Charlie has completely redeemed my view of men. Their relationship is simple, though no relationship is always easy. But she knows without a doubt that he will never leave her. They fight for each other, protect each other, and love each other with no conditions. And through spending six months with Chloe (and Charlie via FaceTime), I believe in love enough to open myself to dream of getting married someday. If God permits, of course.
And I made a list of why for all of us:
– She, like me, was the typical fiercely independent woman who *didn’t need no man* (clap in between each word). And now, being a wife and mom is her soul’s deepest dream.
– They were friends first. No one was on her radar, and he gently and graciously pursued her. It’s an incredibly magical story. When she first told me about him, she said, “I didn’t have anyone pictured before him, but now I can’t picture anyone else.”
– They knew within a couple weeks of dating that they were destiny. I know this assurance doesn’t always happen, but I love that it’s not impossible.
– He reminds her of her dad, so he’s forever familiar. I love my dad, so that’d be cool if that happened to me.
– Before proposing Charlie asked both of Chloe’s parents and her sister if he could marry her, because her family is everything. I MEAN, COME ON.
– They spend time with each other’s families, not because they have to save face, but because they genuinely enjoy it. Charlie’s apparently seen Chloe’s family more than his fam or friends while she’s been gone.
– They have something called Lazy Sundays, which includes red wine and cheese boards for dinner, fires in a fireplace, warm blankets, playing with their dog, and strolling around their farm (I’ve learned this really means they walk until reaching the pig sty, then Chloe stands and gags from the smell, while Charlie checks on the pigs).
– On other Sundays they have couple friends who all hang out together and call themselves “The Sunday Club.” They try a different restaurant in Northern Ireland each week.
– He’s willing to watch Say Yes to the Dress with her all day, though he has made it clear that it must stop after the wedding. I think that’s pretty fair.
– They can make fun of each other, but it’s never demeaning (there’s apparently this whole story about chocolate chip pancakes…).
– He wants to be included in wedding planning, even though Chloe has reminded him many times, “Charles, this is MY wedding!”
– They never stop learning about each other. I’ll never forget the day Chloe mistook Charlie, 6w5 on the enneagram, for a 3w2… “He’s a SIX?! Do I even KNOW my own fiancé?!?!”
– They are on each other’s team no matter what. They will never cut each other down, especially around others (except the hot sauce issue… sry Charlie).
– One time Chloe said to me, “The love I have for him is so much bigger than me…it can only be from God.” I obviously wrote that quote down immediately to save for a rainy day.
– They don’t stress over typical Christian ethical issues, something I have felt the weight of in the past. They simply and freely live. After all, we don’t live under condemnation anymore.
– They are both still individuals, having both shared and separate dreams.
– They’re absolutely safe with one another. I’ve learned through reflection that I’ve never fully trusted in my past relationships, so to see it prevalently in theirs has been deeply encouraging for me.
– He let her leave him for a whole year to do this crazy Christian mission trip, without ever doubting her motives or begging her to stay. That’s only gotta happen in a strong relationship with a whoooole lotta trust.
– Every time she says, “I love you,” he says, “Always,” without even noticing he does it.
– She once said to me, “It’s just ‘I love you’ without any conditions. ‘I love you today, not for who you are or who you may or may not become.'”
If this love isn’t gospel-centric, I don’t know what is. The world has more than one exception when it comes to love, and Jesus has even more exceptions. Life in general is an exception, and love is never an exception.
The quote, “Shoot for the moon, because even if you miss you land among the stars” is a little too cliche for me. So I’m changing it: “Shoot for the moon, because even if you miss, you’re in a flippin’ spaceship, which is already the coolest thing ever.”
Dreaming of a love like Chloe and Charlie puts me in the spaceship. And I am PUMPED for the journey.
