I am officially in Myanmar and also realize I haven’t blogged in what feels like forever (about 6 weeks now).
The last time I was going to sit down and blog I was in Battambang, Cambodia. I taught English, did lots of cooking prep work, and worked hard in a library cafe.
While all that was happening, I was learning some hard lessons on speaking up, sharing in a timely manner, not assuming, getting clarification, and more that comes with living in tight quarters in community.
I had hashed out so much within a team of 6 females named 12-6-1 over 3 months. That stands for 12 hands, 6 hearts, and 1 body.
We hit a moment where the crap hit the fan. Six females in a mix of misunderstanding, assuming, not speaking up, or struggling with preset norms asked of us on the World Race (and not everyone doing all those things either).
All of this came to a head, and it was not easy. We had to sit down and talk things out to get rid of assumptions and judgments, to understand one another, and to correct each other in love.
Having been someone who avoided anything that looked like it might be conflict, it was a hard lesson in learning to speak up, learning to do so in a timely manner and loving people well in that way.
While it stretched me, it also broke my heart. My team was struggling and it was evident the honeymoon phase was over. And I could feel the Lord asking me if I would still choose my team in this moment when it didn’t look perfect. Would I choose love? Would I choose pursuit? Would I give the Lord my “yes” by continuing to buy into Him and my team?
He reminded me that it would be worth it. They were and are worth it. I was worth it. He was worth it. Community is worth it.
So we had to fight. We had to get at it with one another (to a degree) in order to come to a resolution. And the resolution produced something better than relationships that never actually see disagreement. It forced me to grow personally, to see some of my own faults, and to choose change.
It allowed me to speak life into other women so we could grow together. And it also forced a personal fight within each person (if they let it) to choose one another over backing away, not caring, not being offended, not forgiving, etc.
I had and am learning to lay things down, to forgive, and to take any injuries, hurts, or corrections to the Lord. And while it was not and is not easy, it produced an even stronger team.
We went from Cambodia to Thailand and I was still trying to process what had occurred in Cambodia. These women were amazing but I could not wrap my mind fully around what had happened. We worked through it with one another; and it was looking beautiful. We worked together so well when given projects, chose one another’s company, and said the hard things in love.
It looked and felt great and it was. I learned to love even if someone else may not choose love and am still learning this. I learned more about working things out, understanding, and apologizing.
This is life in community. I came to a place where I missed those women. And that overwhelmed my heart because I knew that it meant some victory in choosing to fight for them.
And right as we saw all of this growth, we also had to kind of say bye. Team changes were on the horizon. While I knew it would be good, it also saddened me greatly.
These women started the race with me, helped me process through hurts, prayed with and for me, pushed me to grow in ways I thought I wouldn’t, and became friends. I would not have changed up this group of women for anything and am thankful for the season that they were my team.
We were sad when teams changed but were also able to see how we’d gotten comfortable and needed a push. I chose to step down from my role as a logistics coordinator with my partner DJ and was asked to pray about stepping into team leading. And as I did, I got a yes.
I mourned the loss of my first team and my previous logistics role. I met my new team of 7 awesome women that I get to partner with and empower. I also got to cheer previous team members along in new roles and teams that would highlight their gifts and stretch them even more.
It felt like a whirlwind. Some of it is still being processed. But as I sit in the mountains of Myanmar, I am realizing that this journey is crazy, beautiful, simple, hard, and enchanting. When I received the Lord’s invitation to adventure with Him, this is not what I expected. It’s better! And as I continue to say yes to the Lord and grow, I pray that you also choose a yes.
From my heart to yours,
Kim
