“I can’t do this.”
“I failed you again.”
“I just can’t seem to find the time to do anything with fundraising.”
“Something always come up. “
“I don’t feel good.”
“I have no idea what I am doing.”
“I doubt this is going to work.”
“How am I going to leave my family?”
“Maybe I shouldn’t do this.”
“I feel so out of control.”
“Just avoided it until last minute.”
I find myself thinking these things everyday.
To think about everything that needs to be done by certain dates.
5,000 raised by 5/18/2018.
Passport submitted by 2/20/2018.
Shots to get done.
Planning fundraiser events and ideas.
I’m completely over whelmed. If I’m being perfectly honest, it all makes me wanna just find somewhere and hide and just not come back out. But, where would that get me? Absolutely nowhere!
I’m reminded of how I came to be on this journey in the first place. I was finally in really good place in life, in an even better place with Jesus when I started praying for the Lord to help me figure out how to go back to school. I’ve always dreamed of being a nurse. Praying hard and asking the Lord to just make it financially possible for me because it was what I wanted to do with MY life.
One day listening to the Christian radio station I heard one of the pastor say ” when was the last time you prayed for something bigger than yourself?” At the moment in my car I just started crying. I started apologizing to the Lord because at that moment I knew, I was being so selfish. I was only thinking about what I wanted.
So, then I started to pray ” Lord, I want your will for my life.” “Lord, whatever you call me to do, I’ll do it.” ” i say yes to you, too use me as you have designed my life.” He answered that prayer immediately.
Life gets chaotic. We get caught up in our everyday mundane routines and forget where our priority really needs to be. That’s Jesus. I can let this huge impossible task overwhelm me and let fear make me wanna run and hide. I’m not called to run and hide. Im called to serve and lay down my life, like Jesus did for me.
I’ve got promise from the one true King.
Luke 1:37 “Nothing is impossible with God.”
It’s impossible for me but, with him in charge and following his will for me, I know I can conquer this fundraising. I can go out and be his hands and feet as he called me to do. Get my flesh out of the way. I have to die to my flesh daily and know that God is in control.
