Over this last week our leaders have given our squad some processing questions so we can begin to debrief our experiences on the race before we return home in a month. Going through these questions has been so eye opening for me and I thought I would share what I’ve been processing about my identity with Lord throughout this amazing adventure! One of the last questions I worked through was about my identity. I’m sure there will be more to come as I continue to process how the lord has reshaped me this year but these are some of my first thoughts:
What have you embraced about your identity?
Before the beginning of the race my identity was ensnared by a misconception of my own desires; my purity, purpose, and future. I had visions and dreams swirling around in my head that were tainted with the skewed perspective of the world and I couldn’t shake them loose on my own. Everything about myself seemed blurred in my conscience. I was a follower of Christ but I was weighed down by the sins of my past. I was free and yet tied by soul ties. I was standing on a firm foundation and yet all of me felt like I was coming undone at my seams. I used to say that God had “colored outside of my lines” and that it was just the frame of my flesh that kept me from being a mess on the floor. Standing here in Thailand I am a new woman. I am secure in my identity, grounded in the strength of my femininity in Christ. My vision for the future is in sharp focus and I am saturated in holy purpose. God has restored my purity and released me from the demons of my past. I am free, I am bold, I am loved, I am pure. My body is tied together by the everlasting sinews of God’s love. I am whole for the first time in my life. Throughout this race God has identified pieces of myself that are essential to his divine purposes. I like to call them “God’s fingerprints” on my soul. In Costa Rica God redefined my gifts of writing. Instead of seeking self-fulfillment in words, my writing became a sacrament at God’s alter. God told me that I was a psalmist, a mail-box, an anointed missionary to his people in Turkey and Albania. In South Africa God revealed that I am a mail-box because he sends his people as letters to my soul. (2 Cor. 3:3) As the months passed in South Africa God showed me through many trials that he was purifying and refining my heart with fire. I was pure in his sight, all iniquities and transgressions cleansed from my spirit. I was his daughter, laced in the sunlight of his healing rays(Malachi 4:2). While in South Africa, God dressed me in my spiritual armor and walked me through what seasons of spiritual war and sabbath look like. I learned that we fight spiritual battles for the purpose of sabbath and rest with the Lord. It’s a perfect cycle of being filled up with the Holy Spirit, pouring out, and resting in His divine presence. I gained more clarity about the spiritual battles I will be fighting in the future missions work I will be partaking in. I hope to work with women in muslim cultures who are overcoming abusive, oppressive, or shameful situations in their lives. Women who struggle with events related to these topics come from all walks of life, all age groups, and all religions. All I know currently is that God has highlighted muslim women in Turkey and Albania to my spirit as my future community and ministry. In the last two months God has deepened my love for him in ways that I couldn’t have fathomed eight months ago. My intimacy with God is now a daily craving and my conversations with him have shown me how much he delights in being with me. God showed me, with more clarity, the future purpose he has for me as an international lawyer who battles for human rights issues. I’m excited for the vision of my future that God gave me during my coffee dates with him here in Thailand but I’m also nervous for the commitment that this path while require of me. A possible six more years of schooling seems daunting but I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me, right? This month I received love letters from the Lord through prophetic words from others and from the Holy Spirit. The Lord is more intimate and loving than I could ever hope to comprehend but I am beginning to truly grasp and be shaped by God’s love. Jesus is now my security, my provider, my confidant, my adventuring companion, and my love. I have fallen in love with my savior because he first loved me and its’ beautiful. Jesus has become my identity.
