Over the years, I’ve had some cool jobs—swim coach, pharmacology tutor, teaching assistant, lifeguard, barista, machine operator, landscaper, janitor. Most recently, I’ve been a nurse. After two years of embracing and growing into this role, seasons are changing. Tomorrow, I’m working my last overnight. I will then officially be unemployed in preparation for leaving.
I remember a specific day early in high school, being shamelessly enthralled in a lecture Ms. Bredeweg has prepared about microorganisms. Biology one—it was in that class I knew I wanted to study science, the reality of the miracles all around us. My love for biology, physics, the human body and behavior—really just learning in general, was and still can be rampant.
When you ask most nurses why they became a nurse, they usually respond, “my mom was a nurse”…. “I just love helping people”… “I’ve known since I was five I wanted to be a nurse”…or they may have a story about being impacted when a loved one or they themselves were sick. When I entered nursing school, I was pretty oblivious to what the role as a nurse really was, I just knew I loved science.
Between my junior and senior year of nursing school, I was a student extern in an Intensive Care and Progressive Care unit. I was exposed to critical care, death, suffering, hope and the human spirit in a way I never had been before. This was a niche and patient population I knew I wanted to work with after I graduated. And as my clinical hours and nursing school classes continued, I found this human spirit again and again; I found that being a nurse was not primarily about science at all. Oh my, has it been a blessing to find a role as a nurse.
I’ve always been someone who is hungry for answers, for knowledge. Being a nurse has continually challenged the depth and source of that false security in my heart. Being a nurse has further taught me the importance of having faith, of clinging to hope, of family. I’ve seen life stopped short, tragedy happen, illness steal so much that was expected in life. The blaring mortality of our human bodies has become clear to me. I’ve watched people younger than me die. And I’m only 24. CPR, the tragic losses, the quick turns and slow recoveries, the reality of post-mortem care, even the sad beauty of hospice deaths– it’s all shaken the false security I had clung to in regards to my physical being. Being a nurse has made me think differently about my grandparents, parents, siblings, loved ones, friends, my own morality. God has used that and invited me to entrust more to Him as I’ve seen more with my own eyes. We are indeed flowers in the field. But, that’s not to be feared, its just the urgency of truth. Our windows on this earth are short—but can be so rich, so beautiful, so reconciled, so full of hope if we are grounded in the truth of our redemption in Christ.
My favorite part about being a nurse is the beauty I find in people. And also the camaraderie amongst coworkers. It’s not about science anymore for me. Yes, I still love learning about the process and the medicine and how it all works in our body. Being prudent in assessing my patient is the job. But my role has become about people. About the silver lining. God has been softening my heart and opening my eyes to see people in a new way. If you ask God to help you see with new eyes, God’s creativity and love within people is revealed in ways I didn’t even know possible. When you really realize and start looking for the beauty of God’s spirit, you can find it anywhere. Sometimes it is harder to find, but it’s still there. There are so many hurting Christ followers and lost souls alike that need the truth of love.
I’ve been working overnights (cue the coffee maker) and I’ve discovered a certain vulnerability of the night. Patients are generally without family, and they can be scared, lonely, confused. As humans we all share a common heart. We all have the same needs: to be seen, known, listened to, loved, cared for, empowered. Being a nurse has helped me see people in a new way. When I say see someone, it’s not in their physical characteristics, but into who they are–their heart, their pain, their journey, who they love, who they’ve been shaped by. You get to know people if you make yourself available; people just want to be known. I’ve listened to enough stories to realize that when tragedy happens in our life how we respond is very important. I’ve seen people with and without faith respond in the power of hope, but also in the weight of despair. I’ve observed family dynamics of many kinds. I’ve seen the pain of this world in new ways.
I’ve gotten in the habit of spending my commutes to the hospital singing. I haven’t always been a singer, and when I started doing this it felt weird. But, singing on the way to work lifts my spirit and prepares me for another night. And on my way home, it keeps me awake (HAHA). Ultimately, I made it a habit to sing because it fills me with hope and joy. Even when I don’t feel like singing, God’s presence is revealed through it.
I haven’t always known this sensitivity in myself. But as God continues to melt away my heart, I continue seeing with different eyes. He is making me new in so many ways. I can finally really answer the question, “Why did you become a nurse?”…. It was because of my love for science. But I think the purpose was because in my journey with Christ, He knew the perfect role for me to learn about the power of Love in our human stories. Though two years is a relatively short amount of time, I have learned so much from this season and the beginning of a career as a nurse. And I know I’ve just begun to scratch the surface. There are many things in life that we can’t answers and honestly shouldn’t be able to answer. But our hope must remain as God remains faithful and in control.
I want to give a HUGE shout-out to my tribe and friends in the hospital! In this role, I joined such an incredible team of people. They have become such cherished friends. I miss everyone already! God certainly invades every sphere of life. Ask Him for new eyes. He wants to use us as imperfect, broken vessels to share love. Even in our insufficiency, vision to give someone a touch of God’s love is what brings God’s Kingdom to earth.
[my first day on the job two years ago] 😀
