For the life of me, I can not make sense of why the Creator of the Earth, God the Father in Heaven would choose me. Yea, sure to go on a mission trip such as the World Race (twice), but I mean on a much larger scale. I mean to fathom why He would choose me as a daughter, to see me as the apple of His eye, to call me friend. Do you understand the magnitude of this truth? And do you understand it for it to be real for you?
The fact that the most beautiful, creative, powerful, perfect being of all eternity chose a creature who threw away their identity (made in His image) and chose to walk away from Him and all He has to offer. He chose to pursue me. So much so that He gave himself over to death, to punishment, that I deserve. That through His Spirit He would resurrect himself from the dead. That by this my sin is paid for, and I have been risen to life with Him eternally because I simply believe and follow.
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Two of my friends were murdered in July. Losing someone who is close to you is hard. Honestly, I could have handled the death of a family member who knew the Lord better than the loss of these two friends.
They did not know Jesus as the one who stood in their place, as the one who was King over their life. They had the opportunity, and they had heard of the good news, the invitation he has extended to all people.
I cried for days and had break down after break down knowing they were not in the presence of Jesus. I loved these boys with my whole heart. Just like every human, they were created in His image. I saw the characteristics of God, that image that was down inside of them, but marred by sin. I longed to see them restored to the One who longed for that restoration more than my own desire for it.
A day or so after their reported death, I had the opportunity to partake in communion with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ of Romania. But I stared at the tiny glass of grape juice and tiny piece of bread in my hands and wept. When I looked at the elements in my hands, all I saw was Christ’s body and blood that did not cover my friends. I just wanted to give it away, I wanted to just give them the very opportunity that I had.
“My friends, take it! Take his sacrifice! Receive Jesus!”
I wanted to scream it at them, but they were not there. I wrestled, sobbing, sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to disgrace my God by not partaking in communion… but I physically could not bring myself to consume the bread and grape juice, because I wanted to give it away to them. It was in this moment that I truly understood the heartache of Paul.
“For my grief is so intense that I wish that I would be accursed, cut off from the Messiah, if it would mean that you, my people, would come to faith in him!” -Romans 9:3-4
The intensity of this pain was brought on from the fact that it was too late for them. Because of this, my heart has begun to ache for more than just them.
Moved by compassion, by God’s holiness, my heart yearns for the reconciliation between God and those in my family who are deceived by Satan. For those of my family paralyzed by fear, enslaved to the point that they believe the repercussions of doing what’s right will not satisfy them or not provide for them what they need.
For the young teens I’ve encountered all over the world, with whom the gospel was planted like a seed, but the “treasures” of this World became more appealing (Luke 8:13).
My heart aches for those that we as Christians have failed to take the gospel to. For those in the 10-40 window who have never even heard of God or who have chosen an(other) god(s) to serve.
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One of our leaders this week discredited the phrase people use in evangelism when they say they’re “waiting for the leading of the Spirit”. He profoundly made the point that Jesus was only lead/moved by the Spirit once, but His actions of ministry were all when He was moved by compassion. And we have a compassionate God. One full of perfect compassion that is far beyond our own. One who created the universe, so He probably has a good idea of how it should run and what the purpose of all creation is.
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Lately, I’ve been captivated by the night sky more than usual. Tonight, just go stare at the stars, moon, and the Milky Way. Stare at them and try to make out the details, the nooks and crannies of the moon. Try to see the end of the Universe. You can’t! Consider the size of the stars in reality and to how small they appear, knowing that’s how far away from us they are. So if God, YHWH, Elohim, created that, and if we can zoom outside of ourselves and outside this tiny world and all the details in our lives that seem so wrong and chaotic. You’ll see the story of time is not falling apart, it’s falling into place. The broken lives, our broken prayers, that the Lord allows to be beside his perfect orchestration.
And at the end of the day, He gets the glory. That’s what we’re all about anyways. He is good and deserves all praise. And I look at my lost friends, family, and citizens of the world, and despite what the world would say, the problem lies within us, sin and unrighteousness and unholiness.
Be moved by compassion for others,
and be in awe of God.
He IS perfect in all of His ways.
