I so frequently live as a mistress and not a bride. Actually, I hardly live as His bride.
My dear friend Daniel helped me to realize this through a slip of his words. At debrief in El Pueblo de Machu Picchu, I told him how I was learning to be a bride, and when he reitterated that phrase he accidentally said “mistress” instead of ”bride”. A few moments later I realized that slip of word was actually super powerful. He was right.
I live as though I belong to the Lord but He doesn’t belong to me.
I live as though I’m at his service to please and there is no deep attachment.
I live a life that would look similar to marriage but not quite, it is off, but unless you look closely you wouldn’t know I live not as a wife.
I live a life of busyness, walking around to serve and please, but hardly sit in the company of the Lord for me to adore and delight in Him, and for Him to adore and delight in me.
I live as if I have no reward or treasure. I’m given the basics in return for my service: a place to live and food to eat. I live satisfied with the bare minimum, because that’s all a mistress should expect.
I live as though my Lord has those He actually loves, delights in, adores, and seeks intimacy with… and that’s not me.
I have been frequently reveling in the theological concepts of God’s transcendence (God above us) and God’s immanence (God with us).
Many people in our culture today live in the immanence side more than they do transcendence. They recognize Holy Spirit is in them deeply and with them closely. They experience prophetic word, they experience His love, they experience a deep friendship and marriage with God. There is a large basis of experience.
But then there’s those like me, I naturally tend to live further in the realm of God’s transcendence. Living as a servant, knowing He is worthy and holy and we fall short of that. He can make any choice He wants because He’s God, His Word displays who He is, just. His Word alone is where I usually seek Him, and do not trust in the guiding of His Spirit. I do not trust Him to give me knowledge to understand Him through other avenues such as people and creation.
We often see worship songs leaning one way or another as well.
I don’t know what it looks like to live fully balanced in His immanence and His transcendence. To live as a bride to the King.
But He is teaching me, and I will learn.
