“Africa changes you forever, like nowhere on Earth. Once you have been there, you will never be the same. But how do you begin to describe its magic to someone who has never felt it? How can you explain the fascination of this vast continent, whose oldest roads are elephant paths? Could it be because Africa is the place of all our beginnings, the cradle of mankind, where our species first stood upright on the Savannah’s of long ago? Here I am, where I belong.” Brian Jackman
I’m exactly 34 days and 2 countries into one of the most beautiful continents I’ve seen to date. I’m in Mama Africa! For as long as I can remember, one of my biggest dreams was to step foot onto the soil that makes up part of who I am, but let me be transparent, I wasn’t wanting to come here for the reasons you all are probably thinking. I wanted to come for the wildlife and the beautiful landscape, that’s it. Let me state the obvious here, I am black and I am American, but it hasn’t always been easy for me to accept. Growing up I was teased and made fun of because of the color of my skin and the texture of my hair. I didn’t understand. I didn’t ask to be this way. I am not being approved by those who are around me, not even by the ones who looked like me. I also never truly understood why I had to work so hard at proving my intellect, work ethic, and talents because of the color of my skin. My white friends essentially looked like they were handed everything. It frustrated me so much. So much that I started resenting the very person God created me to be. I started questioning why God created me to be black. I wanted to be everything but black. I didn’t like my dark skin and I didn’t like that I had to prove my everything to be accepted in society. Ladies and gentleman this is what you call self-hatred.
Over the last few years God has been dealing with me in a lot of areas, but the area that has taken the most work and has been the most painful area of growth is my identity. He has taken me on a journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and love.
Being in Africa these last 34 days has opened my eyes so much. I am in the homeland of my late ancestors, how freakin cool is that?! I am amongst people who have endured more pain and discrimination than I can even begin to wrap my head around. I am a part of cultures who truly understand what it means to serve and love others selflessly. Most importantly I am standing on the soil where my ancestor’s blood, sweat, and tears fell so that I could have the life that I live today. I have never felt so loved, seen, and accepted in my life. I’ve seen the very character of my heavenly father in the eyes and the hearts of the people in Africa. Their smiles, the hugs of the children in the local villages, and how the men and women greet me because they think I belong here. I have never felt so comfortable and I feel so at home. I wonder why? It’s because God is so gently showing me I am right where I belong. I am exactly who He wants me to be. I am so thankful for what God is showing me through His people in Africa.
“Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous how well I know it.” Psalms 139:14 ESV
