this past weekend, our ministry host allowed us to attend a leadership conference that they do every year. the conference was held at one of the most beautiful beaches i have ever been too. let me paint a quick picture. as far as we could see down the shore there were rocks sticking up above the water. we watched as 40+ foot waves came and crashed in a beautifully peaceful way. forever. it never stops. we stood in awe the entire weekend. at night, we could see the milky way. it was incredible.
there was a swimming beach a short walk away from our little campground. the waves were insane and coming from all directions due to the fact that they had already crashed over the rocks. even though these ways had crashed on the rocks, they were still probably about 10 feet. a few times, we got thrown around by a wave and it would push us ALL THE WAY back to the shore. kind of like a beached whale.
ANYWAYS, one wave was dragging me to shore as one girl on my team grabbed my arm and pulled me back up. whenever people ask me what my biggest fear is, i say drowning. people usually respond “weren’t you really into swimming? why would you be afraid of drowning.” see the thing is that, no matter that i swam for 10 years, no matter how many miles in however many pools i swim. if someone ties 200 pounds of rocks to my ankles and throws me into the ocean i will not be able to save myself.
sometimes, we get in too deep. it doesn’t matter how well equipped and ready we are, we can’t save ourselves !!!! i allow myself to drown in things that are not necessary. if i am being completely honest, sometimes i find myself getting wrapped up in my doubts and my questions and i can tend to complicate my faith. there are still days where i question god’s love for myself. i’m not proud of it, but it is something that i really struggle with from time to time. i feel as if god doesn’t care, he sees everyone around me, but somehow seems to miss me. he speaks to me like once every 10 years. but i’m so wrong. to this day, everytime i have found myself in over my head, god is the one that grabs my hand and pulls me back up. he is my breath of fresh air. he is the very thing that saves me from the lies that tend to reside in my mind. he speaks to me and says “ive been here the whole time. i see you, ive always seen you. i’ve been speaking over you as you sleep. it doesn’t matter what you’ve done, i just want to be with you.” and thats it. theres no harsh tone, or condemnation. just reassurance that he is who he says he is. and its only my mind that is skewing who i think of him as.
so, i guess what i’m trying to say is that, jesus is my breath of fresh air. he is always my breath of fresh air. and in the moments where i don’t think i’m doing enough or when comparison comes creeping in, he is there. he wants me for me!!! i can’t control the times where i find myself drowning in lies. sometimes, life can just throw so much at us that we can’t do it ourselves. we need jesus.
jesus is fresh air !!!!!! jesus is life abundant !!!!! jesus is for us !!!!!!
