It was never meant to be done alone. This journey.
Just minutes before sitting down to type this post, I had sent the following message to my squad:
“Hey y’all, would you say a quick prayer for me please? I’m battling some weird anxiety tonight and feeling really unsettled, insecure and physically shaky. Praying for peace and unwavering trust in our Father. Thank you.”
I cringed at the thought of asking them to do that — to pray for me. WHY? Because I hate asking for help. I hate feeling like I can’t handle everything on my own. I hate admitting everything isn’t perfect.
Ugh.
I think my anxiousness this evening was brought about by my upcoming support-raising deadline (that sometimes I feel so far from!) along with the reality that I just said my “goodbyes” this past weekend to my friends in Kansas City. The ‘not seeing them for a year’ part really sucks. I’m also tired, and probably slightly dehydrated (!!), and just in a susceptible place for the enemy to LIE TO ME.
So I put on worship music and focused on my breath and began to pray. And Papa gently said, “bring this to your squad.” And I told Him I didn’t want to. To which He responded, “bring this to your squad, Katie.”
I finally agreed, and as I type these words, my beautiful squad mates are currently lifting me up in prayer to our Father.
Why didn’t I want this?
God works for our good in cool ways, ya know? When I was typing out my message to my squad, I received another message from one of my previous coworkers. He was just wanting to say hi and check in to see how I was doing. He said he wanted to share some scripture with me and hoped it would bring me encouragement. That scripture was Psalm 16.
Y’all, I can’t make this stuff up! Psalm 16:3 reads:
I say of the holy people who are in the land, “They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight!” {read: J-Squad (as I read this verse they were literally seeing my message asking for prayer!)}
verses 7 and 8:
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
At this point, I’m about crying. Because the Lord revealed His faithfulness to me through the perfect timing of these two encounters. God uses even Facebook Messenger to shower His goodness on me!
But you know what? He uses other people to bring me closer to Him. And I have to learn to accept that as well as to ask for it from others.
This summer has been hard, but also amazing! I’m no longer living on my own and working full-time: God has asked me to rely more on my parents once again — financially, physically, emotionally. I’m also support-raising: God has brought forth people who have graciously given toward this journey. I was at a wedding this past weekend, and I lost count of people who approached me to ask if they could support me on the WR — crazy humbled by that! Those are just a couple examples, but if I’ve heard one thing from the Lord since training camp, it’s been,
“This journey was not intended for you to do alone, daughter.“
And I just felt like tonight was a really good example of that and wanted to share.
Love y’all so much.
K
