I’ve been trying to write a blog about going home for two months now, but how? How do I summarize all the things I am feeling? All the things I’m excited for and anxious about. The things I’m going to miss and about all the things I’ve learned. It’s too stressful. This year has been the most difficult yet rewarding year of my entire life. I have no idea how to express the intensity of my experiences. I want so badly to give you a simple, brief overview but I just can’t. Once I start thinking and writing about one thing, a flood of other thoughts come rushing in. It makes me want to combust. Just thinking about it now makes me want to get up and run a marathon. And I’m scared. I’m scared that when I come home people will have questions and I won’t know how to answer them. Though I can’t wait to share my experiences, part of me wants to avoid people at all costs. I’m scared they won’t understand. They won’t understand why I’ve changed or how to make sense of the things I’ve seen and learned. They won’t relate to or care about my passions and they won’t know how to respond to the thoughts, questions, or emotions I share. I pray I never go back to the butter and bread life I used to live and I hope that the people in my life will be accepting of that even if they don’t understand fully. I’m counting down the days until I come home. Please pray for me as I transition and try to make sense of this season in my life.
With love,
Katie
