Hey everyone! I am so excited to update ya’ll on my time in Ethiopia! It turned out to be one of my favorite months, but to be honest the last two months have been some of the hardest months for me. I developed a spirit of apathy and really began to miss the comforts of home. Now this is me being very transparent so please have grace with me. During the past two months I really stopped caring about a lot of things. I stopped caring about ministry, my self image, replying to people back home, etc. It was really hard to express emotions in words. A lot of thoughts and feelings were building up inside me and over time I started suppressing it all. Before this point I had been distracting myself with temporary stuff that didn’t fill me up like the internet, movies, and sleep. However, during our time in Ethiopia and Cambodia we rarely had access to the internet and I had gotten rid of Instagram and Facebook which in my mind meant I was all out of options. The only things that were left to distract me was to read books, the Bible, and analyze myself. I barely left my bed unless it was for ministry or to eat. I knew there was something off but I lacked the care to address it or seek accountability. Along with all this, I became sick with a cold every two weeks for the last two months. So it was an easy excuse to just stay in bed. It was a difficult space to be in especially when I was aware of the amazing opportunity right in front of me. We were headed to Africa for goodness sake! A place I have always dreamed to visit. But I couldn’t break down the walls holding me back from talking advantage of it all. I was comfortable with the lifestyle I had been living for the past 9 months. It was so normal by now I became complacent. Fortunately, between the two months I was blessed with a new team that helped me to acknowledge my brokenness. They have spoken a lot of encouragement into me and guided me back to the source of life. I began to realize that my relationship with the Lord was more of a façade. Once everything comfortable was stripped from me and I had no more distractions, I was forced to analyze myself and question why I felt so weak and alone. My foundation of the Lord was revealing its cracks and crumbling all around me. A lot of truth was exposed to me during this time so here are some main points I have finally come to understand in my heart and implement into my daily life.
- The way you treat others is a reflection of your relationship with the Lord.
- What you put in is what you get out
– The way you live your life should be an overflow of the time you are spending with the Lord. Allow Him to fill you up so you can pour out His spirit unto others.
– Make Him the priority of your day…how much time are you actually spending in the Word?
- Sometimes it might feel like the Father is far away but that’s on you and the effort you are putting into the relationship because the Father is always right next to you. A relationship is a mutual connection. If one person is checked out it’s gonna be hard to feel intimate.
- READ THE BOOK “Beautiful Outlaw” HIGHLY RECOMMEND
Through this period of what felt like a desert, the Lord has brought me back to Him and given me a new hope. I now cherish my seasons pf desperation and struggle because I always have the sweetest memories of drawing closer to the Lord. Although this was a difficult realization to walk through I am thankful for my awareness because now I can work on building a stronger foundation. My month in Ethiopia turned out to be one of my favorite months because of what the Lord walked me through. So thank you Jesus for never giving up on me.
I also want to say thank you to all of you for this invaluable experience you have given me. I’ve encountered God in ways I never have before and possibly never would have if it wasn’t for your support. I’ve had the opportunity to pour out the love of Jesus Christ to people who have never even heard His name. This year has taught me so much about myself, the world, and God. My lens is so much wider and clearer.
Blessings,
Katie
