It’s been a little over a week since I returned from training camp and I’m still trying to process it all. For 10 days I was in Gainesville, Georgia preparing for my World Race and boyyyyy let me tell you it was something else! Going into training camp I was feeling very anxious. I had many meltdowns in the process of preparing because; 1. I didn’t know what to expect, and 2. It was becoming real that in just three short months I will be leaving everything comfortable and everyone I love behind. At the end of training camp however, the only word that continued to flood my mind was “peace”.
Entering training camp I was carrying a lot of baggage, metaphorically and literally (my pack was 42 pounds). What I learned to accept though was the true meaning of “Let Go, and Let God”. Even further, I realized how scary that simple statement can be. Many people try to control their lives by keeping a tight grip on things that might actually be interfering with our view of God and His plan for our lives. It’s easy though, I get it, it’s a comfortable place to be where you don’t have to acknowledge your past, your relationships, your insecurities, your shame, etc. I however, have embraced the authentic freedom that God has promised us by breaking down the walls I thought were protecting me.
During my time in Georgia, the word “freedom” was established by my squad to describe our upcoming journey. We realized that many of us are searching for freedom that has already been given to us through the life of Christ. So instead of searching for this freedom, we are learning to ACCEPT it. Something specific that I realized during my time at TC was that I didn’t really know how to accept love and grace from the Lord. I knew it existed, I just never really experienced it because my heart was not open enough to receive it. For many years I had been feeding lies to myself by the influence of others and society. Lies like, you aren’t pretty enough, skinny enough, or worthy enough. Fortunately, the Lord used training camp to show me otherwise and I have never felt more confident and free in my entire life.
At one point during the 10 days, I had a complete breakdown during our teaching session on “forgiveness”. At first, the topic didn’t really connect with me at all. I was trying to think of people who I hadn’t forgiven for any specific reason and nothing was coming up. Then God abruptly kicked down my walls and revealed to me that it was myself I needed to forgive. All at once as I was folded over in my chair and balling my eyes out while a sweet squad mate of mine prayed over me. And then… I saw myself dancing with Jesus. I saw myself in a pure white dress surrounded by golden sunlight dancing with Jesus… In that moment I have never felt more beautiful, more loved, and more worthy in my life. It was like God was sending me a big warm hug. Though I had been telling myself that I was a new creation in Christ, I never really believed it. I felt unworthy all the time. I was ashamed of my past and the person I used to be and the enemy was using that against me. Jesus however has already fought this battle for us and washed us clean of our sins. We need to stop believing these lies! For me, self forgiveness was the first step in accepting my freedom. I now have a new confidence and God is already using it to build His kingdom! It’s crazy really how 10 days can impact your life, but it’s even crazier to think that this is just the start to an 11-month adventure of a lifetime. Two more months till I launch to my first country on the World Race! I can’t wait to share more of what God is doing and is going to do in my life in the next year!
