I’m in Costa Rica!
We landed in San Jose on Wednesday at 12pm. We came to the base to get situated. Fun fact – we are the first squad to stay at the Costa Rica base! Everything is new and available so we can create our own environment. I am staying in a room with 7 other girls, some of them on my own team. Each of us have our own drawer and shelf to put our stuff out. My room has to use the communal showers and toilets downstairs, but some rooms have their own bathroom. It’s a big house with a communal area for us to hang out and eat. There’s a nice back patio where we can hang our hammocks. We can have someone wash our clothes if we pay, but we have our own station outside with a couple clotheslines out to use. Everything we need is within walking distance, including an outlet mall. My team has ministry Monday through Friday. We go to a daycare center for 2 hours, then we go to an after-school program for at-risk kids for 4 hours. For both of those, we play with the kids and help the teachers and staff in any way we can. We can’t take pictures of the kids for privacy reasons, so that’s a bummer, but it works out. There is a language barrier, but we make the most of it. We’re gone all day basically. All of our food is provided Monday through Friday, but for the weekend, we’re left to our own devices. We have a schedule for chores, and we rotate by week. If we leave the house, we have to go with a buddy. If it’s after 6pm, we have to go in groups of 4. It is completely dark by 6pm, so it’s for our own safety. Because it gets dark so early, it feels like I have to go to bed around 7. It kind of sucks, but it’s how it is here.
So that was all of the nice, general information. Now I’ll get into how God has been working with me.
I’ll be honest. I’ve felt like there’s been a wall between myself and God. I constantly pound against it, weeping because I can’t get to Him. I realized this wall I built was based on my shame. I felt like I wasn’t worth loving because of what I’ve done. I know in one of my previous blogs I described how free I felt, but I slipped during the 7 weeks between Training Camp and Launch. I built my feelings up so much over the past couple days that I had a small breakdown when a squad mate fell on my foot. It did hurt, so I did cry, but then I couldn’t stop crying. I was practically sobbing because of all the internal pain I was keeping inside of me. One of my squadmates pulled me aside so I could let it all out in private and tell her what’s going on. The rest of the day was a little better, and I actually talked to our squad mentor (Jodie) about what happened. She encouraged me to take it to the Lord and just confess what I’ve done so I could let it go. I did, and I felt so much better. I don’t feel completely resolved, but I feel at peace.
Also, for some interesting news, my squadmates are really interesting. I say this in love. There are so many personalities and behaviors. It’s hilarious seeing them interact. One minute they’re laughing in the communal area, next they’re singing various songs at the top of their lungs (boys, too). I’d say we’re all getting on well. I don’t think there’s been any discomfort or discord yet. Everyone’s starting to get comfortable with each other and really let themselves have fun (myself included). Learning to open up has been kind of hard, but I do believe God is bringing up a lot of stuff that I haven’t dealt with, so now I really have to talk to someone about what’s going on inside my mind. Communication 101 
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I’m thankful for what the Lord has done in me so far, and it’s only the first week! I was really hesitant during Launch because reality was setting in. I realized that I am actually doing this. I cried so much because the gravity of leaving my family and home for the first time hit me hard the day before Launch. Before the parents left to go back home, my mom had said she was praying for me, asking the Lord what she should say to me before she leaves. During our last moments together, she told me that He said, “My grace is sufficient” and “The cost of your obedience is worth so much more than the cost of your sacrifice.” The last part really got me thinking because I realized that me doing this will cost a lot. I’m doing something different than all of my friends by waiting a year before going to college. I’m leaving my home for the very first time (which is a BIG deal). I’m having to step out of my comfort zone, which is very difficult. I’m learning to deal with my emotions without my mom to help guide me through them. There’s a lot more, I’m sure, but those come to mind more prominently. Now that I’m in Costa Rica and getting used to the schedule set so far, I feel better about all of this. I’m not afraid of embracing whatever comes. I’m learning to open up and hang out with my squad. I still get some alone time (because I need it), but I like being with my squad.
Pictures will come soon! Thanks for reading!
