Hey guys. Hope all is well and thanks for taking the time to check me out on here. We are in the month of September and about 4 months from heading out to our first country Cambodia. I feel it is a perfect time to write a new blog. Not because I have a new sense of urgency to get the word out. Not because I feel my relationship with God has jumped to crazy, mind blowing levels, or because all of a sudden I got a new vision from him in dream. No I’m writing today because I have no idea what I’m doing. I mean yes, in theory I know what I’m doing. I am going on a 11 month mission trip around the world. I know what to tell people when I am asked about it. I give all the right answers when involved in forced conversations with people who hardly know me ask about it. Honestly though what am I doing? Ive never done anything close to this. I’ve never even been out of the country. Shoot, I just got my first passport last month guys. Before we go any further lets take a trip down memory lane for a moment.
I’m going to try and recap several years of my life for you. Not because it was exciting, beautiful, or super motivating. It didn’t had some crazy life changing moment in it that brought me out of darkness either. If you are going to follow along on this journey with me I want you to know some things about my past and how I’ve gotten to this point. Now I’ve never really given my testimony and honestly I don’t know where I’d start and how to go about it. Don’t worry I’m not going to pour it out to you today either. So you can relax.
My 20s were interesting. Yeah, interesting, we’ll go with that. I had just moved to Minnesota from Louisiana. Shout out to the Boot and the Sota. They both hold a special place in my heart. During those 10 yrs I loved hard and I lost big. I saw the beauty of new life and the sorrow of fresh death. I broke hearts and dealt with a broken heart myself. I destroyed personal relationships and developed life long ones. Lost God, found God. Did drugs too often and drank too much. I got arrested several times for stupid stuff. I went back to college 3 different times. Each time with a new sense of urgency and each time ending the same. I’d lose interest half way through and either stop going or mess up my grade by cheating on a paper in a class I was doing well in. I’d bomb a test I decided to study last minute for. Mad props to all yall who finished college. I never took school seriously, even those big tests you take before leaving high school. I still have a college fund that isn’t being used. I know I know it’s silly. Looking back it’s easy to say oh yeah I should of studied more, got my degree, and started a career. I mean shoot I’m 31. I should have a wife and kids by now, with a couple dogs, and a cute wrap around porch.haha. We would even get the paper every morning and have breakfast together before school and work… I get it…Everyone has their own idea of where people should be at certain points in life. I can say I’m not where I thought I’d be at this point in life but I am where I’m God has me. I failed multiple times at business ideas. Not because the ideas sucked. No, I always have great ideas but my execution hasn’t been the best. I am guilty of being a big dreamer and a big thinker but not a planner. I thank God often that he put that in me though. Dreams are important. It’s crazy to think what Gods dreams are for us. Side note.. Think about that for a second. The God who created everything,who created man from the dust of the earth has a plan and a dream for you. That is so awesome! I could talk about that all night but I’ll move on. God is so awesome.
Id say from age 20-27 I could count on one hand how many times I went to Church. Now I’ve always been aware of my calling. I don’t know the details of it yet but that urge and desire has always been there. Going back to my youth and teenage days God has always been around in my life. Ive been on fire for God like you wouldn’t believe but like so many of us I got caught up in the world and living for Christ became an afterthought. It wasn’t until many late night conversations with a certain lady that I realized it was time to come back to Christ.Btw this is very long story summed up in a hurry but Doing it my way wasn’t working. Clearly by the last two paragraphs you can see that.haha. So many times we get in this mind set of Ima do me, I got this, I’m gonna live my life. Forget what everyone says or thinks but like my dude Judah Smith says, “If it was going to work,It would of worked by now” That really speaks to me because it is so true. For as long as I can remember I have ran from God. Anytime I get close I decide to say naaaw I was just playing G. I’m gonna go back over here and do me and live the life I want. I get you have this plan for me but I just don’t know if I can wait for that. I mean this party sounds fun, and Stacy is gonna be there. You know! Stacy! Lord!!! Its just this one time. Ill come hit you up this Sunday… Cool?? All right talk soon. Now I’m being silly but honestly in some form or fashion we know we have done something like that. We want Christ when it’s convenient for us. We act like fans not followers. I don’t want to be a fan anymore.
That brings me to where we are now,10:30 on a Wednesday night writing to yall. I’m not on social media right now so I don’t even know who will see this or when.haha I know I can be a little all over the place when I write so If you are still reading thanks. So.. When I finally realized this mission trip is what God wanted me to do I’ll be honest with ya I tried to ignore him. The constant GO GO GO GO GO GO in my head daily or the IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD YOU HAVE TO GO OUT INTO THE WORLD. I mean come on now God! You want me to go travel the world with complete strangers for a year and tell people about you when I can’t even get out of bed every Sunday to go to church. Answer.. YUP! I didn’t get some big drawn out plan on how it will go down or what will happen when I’m out there. He said GO! So that is what I’m doing. I know this is the first step into a totally different life for me. May be a giant step but its the right step. Whatever God has for me lets get it! Not everyone understands why I’m doing this or what I expect to happen. Honestly I have no expectations because anything I could think of wont even compare to what God has planned. I don’t expect people to understand or everyone to be supportive of what I’m doing and that’s fine. I want them to know I’m just a man trying to be obedient to God for once in his life and that I have no idea what I’m doing and that is sooo exciting to me!!
I recently moved to Ohio to spend time with family and prepare for this trip. I say prepare but that brings me to the I have no idea what I’m doing again. Prepare… ok,so what does that even mean… How do you prepare for something you have never done before or even thought about doing?? Every day at least once I ask myself what are you doing? I think and wonder am I reading my bible enough? Am I writing or praying enough? Am I saving enough money? Will drinking this beer set back any progress I have made? Am I spending enough time with the right family members while I am here? Am I fundraising enough? Am I going to church enough? The list goes on and on. The fact is that I’m not driving on this journey. I’ve always been a go with the flow type. I don’t stress over much but I have been stressing with this next part of my life. I admit it, your boy is freaking out a little. I just want to make God proud of me. I want to make sure I am ready in all ways but that is silly because he is already proud of me and Loves me with the same relentless love he had since day 1. So I know I have no idea how to prepare or what I’m doing. I am for sure in novice mode but that is perfect and honestly where I want to be. My way hasn’t worked yet so big man has this one. All I really know is that I love Jesus. I want the life he has for me. I hope he shows me more of that plan over time. I know he has given me gifts and abilities. I just want to use them to do some good in this world. I believe movements will be started and countries will be changed. People who haven’t heard the name Jesus soon will. I know Christ is gonna show up and show out and I can’t wait to see it. That I do know. Everything else is a big TBD. I’ll let you know when I do. Thanks for taking the time to read my ramble. Hope you have a great week. Talk soon.
