As most of you know, all my life I have been fascinated by medicine. From the time I was a little girl until now, medicine has been everything to me. I can’t explain the passion I have for it. It gives me a feeling that nothing in the world can. Even at a young age, I pretended to perform surgeries on my stuffed animals. In elementary school, I was looking up the qualifications to become a doctor. I knew all the right schools to go to, how much it cost, and how hard it was to get accepted. It became my life goal and it still is.
Obeying the Lord and going on the race was a really tough decision for me. That meant I had to put the one thing I wanted in my life on hold – becoming a doctor. Some people thought I gave up on that dream; most people knew I never would. It was a scary decision but I put my trust in the Lord knowing that He would allow me to live out my calling. I say, “my calling” because recently a teammate of mine said, “I think it’s time you stop calling it your ‘dream’ and recognize it as your calling.” She said there are things in life that the Lord will not fulfill and we are better for that. His will is much better than what we can plan for ourselves. But right after that sentence she said, “I am so excited to see you become a doctor.”
WOW. I had to let that one sync in. She really believes in me and throughout the first 7 months of the World Race I’ve had continuous support from teammates, squadmates and strangers. It’s like a little tiny sliver of the race has been the Lord confirming this calling. Like He’s saying, “Continue. Trust me. I will make this happen for you.” I can’t tell you how hard that’s been for me. Trust is something I struggle so much with… and putting my dream in God’s hand, trusting that He will carry it out has been the hardest thing for me to do. But I truly believe that this year of traveling the world as a missionary is preparing me for the medical field. I know that full well.
I realize now that this is not something I need to live in fear about. Fear that I will wake up everyday hoping God will keep letting me do this. But instead, I need to pursue this boldly, with confidence that this is indeed what the Lord has laid before me. It doesn’t matter that I am a woman pursuing medicine. It doesn’t matter if I am struggling in college. It doesn’t matter that I sometimes let the enemy get into my head and I think I am not smart enough. God is not “letting” me pursue this dream, He is the One who has placed it on my heart. He wants me to pursue it as much as I do. It honors Him to chase after it.
I thank God for the World Race. It has allowed me to learn different cultures, which will allow me to understand my future patients and interact with them appropriately. It has allowed me to experience the medical field in different countries, which will answer a lot of questions I will have in the future. It has allowed me to learn different languages, aiding me in future conversations. It has allowed me to strengthen my faith and confidence in who my identity is in the Lord, which will help me become the Christ-following physician I want to be. Although taking a year off of school, quitting my job in the ER and spending 11 months in different countries forced me to put a hold on my dream, it is also something the Lord is using to prepare me for what’s to come. I’m learning how to become a great physician, from the Great Physician Himself.
Going forward, I know exactly what I want. I want to practice medicine and I want to continue the pursuit of becoming a Godly woman. And let me tell you, it’s really hard to do both. I’m not exactly sure how to deal with all the hospital has to offer and still have faith. I tried that and failed miserably. But moving forward I will learn from my mistakes. I will feel for my patients. I will feel their pain and walk through it with them. They are a human being and they deserved to be grieved over. But, I will not let my heart be troubled. I trust that the Lord will guide me through that.
I have so many dreams. Becoming a physician. Leading a medical mission trip to different countries throughout my life. Becoming a wife and a mother. And I will no longer act as if they are dreams far out of my reach, praying every single day it will become reality. Instead, I will walk confidently because I know that my Father wants this for me, too.
