Even if you don’t know me personally, you probably still know that music is a huge part of my life. For the longest time it has been something I turn to at any given moment. Even when I was young, in elementary and middle school, I had favorite artists and bands that meant so much to me. In high-school and college that only escalated. Music was everything to me. I realized that I used music to escape from reality. I used it to run away from the present moment, whatever that was at the time. When I was going through hard times, whether that was with school, relationships, friendships, work, etc, I would immediately get my headphones out, turn on my favorite artist at the moment and not think about it. It’s hard because music is not a bad thing. It’s an incredible way to express yourself, I just had a hard time finding that balance between enjoying it and allowing it to be something unhealthy. One of my favorite things in the world is listening to a song or discovering a new band and sending it to someone who means a lot to you because you thought of them when you heard it. A lot of times music is what I use to express my emotions when I don’t know how to put the right words together. It’s honestly the most thoughtful and intimate thing to me and I don’t do that with just anyone.
With that being said, I decided to fast music for the first month of the World Race. It was really hard to say the least. The race is tough but it offers the opportunity to be surrounded by people who have the same goal as you: loving Jesus and sharing the gospel. That is so very hard to find. I didn’t want to go into this using music to block out all hard situations when I could use this to press into the people and community around me. The first month of the race was difficult for a lot of reasons and fasting music just added on top of that. Luckily, I had a friend who pushed me to take that next step of giving it up because I definitely would not have made that decision on my own.
I could no longer use it to escape from my problems. When I experienced conflict with a teammate, I had to sit in that, think about it, and deal with it. When I experienced hurt in myself from past memories in the hospital, I could no longer pull out my headphones to block out the memories. I was forced to feel it all. When I struggled to feel God’s presence throughout the month and struggled to create quiet time for myself, I couldn’t listen to a worship song in order to gain that intimacy with the Lord again. I had to sit in the Lord’s presence and believe that He was there even when I didn’t have my favorite worship artist (Will Reagan!!!) to “get me in the moment”. All I was left with was my bible, journal and silence. It was incredibly difficult at times but also so raw, authentic and real.
Throughout the month, I realized I could actually go without it. It sounds crazy saying that because I do love music so much and I do have that longing and desire to listen to it constantly. But, I learned that if God asked me to give it up again, I could. I learned how to love music and what it offers in a healthy way, not allowing myself to use it as a coping mechanism to escape from hard conversations, conflicts or emotions.
Now that I know how to love music in a healthy way, please feel free to send me your fav songs!!!
