i was at peace.
don’t get me wrong i still have those moments of “will i ever raise that amount of money” even with knowing that God does provide truly everything i need. i even may have lost a few nights of sleep over the thought of having to possibly eat a rat. yet something about this commitment was different.
you see normally i like to know everything about everyone. i get way too involved in things i shouldn’t really be obsessing about. i like think i have to be a pro at something i haven’t ever attempted or i am unworthy of even attempting it. i like to have control of how my life will fall into place and overanalyze the pan out of the most random possible situations. i think way too far ahead but can’t make daily decisions for the life of me (i have literally had my wedding planned for a decade now but will throw a fit if you ask me to chose where to eat.) oh but don’t worry i am sooOoOOo chill and a suUUuuper laid back girl that totally goes with the flow right!! hehe (THESE THINGS ARE A SECOND NATURE PAIN PLEASE PRAY FOR ME BROS I TRULY STRUGGLE & NEED TO BE FREE)
yet i haven’t caught myself thinking about everything that could go wrong or the uncomfortable situations i’m going to be put in when september comes. i haven’t been worried about being bad at things i’ve never done or having to navigate in places i’ve never been (well now i am lol) because still He is with me EVERY step of the way wether i am on the race doing missions work or stuck in lil Eugene, Oregon figuring out how to deal with the constant change in my life. the fact that i won’t ever be able to even trick myself into thinking I’M the one in control when i’m gone is actually so freeing. i won’t be in the familiar town i’ve lived in my whole life or only surrounded by my awesome friends who i’m so comfortable with and know will accept me. a year ago the sound of being away from all that and not be in control of what’s to come would’ve made me want to hurl. now i get to go to places i’ve never even thought of and be immersed into cultures and communities that aren’t something i’m used to to say the least. i am at peace thinking of that. actually more than peace.. i am STOKED!
the minute i heard about the world race gap year i knew it was right. nothing else seemed to make sense in my life except this trip. i honestly have almost no control in any of this right now and in a few short months i still won’t! but because i know His plan is best, i am okay with that. that isn’t normal for me. that is how i know i am supposed to do this.
i lay this at Your feet pops!
