Pub Street. A part of Siem Reap Cambodia that is filled with markets, food, and a big night life. This night was amazingly difficult. But I finally found some words to pile in a story to share with you all about the night that shifted my trip. But bare with me, because these words will be scrambled, these words will be raw, and these words are filled with emotion I still have not fully processed.
It was our first night here in Cambodia beforr we started ministry. We all dolled ourselves up as best we could with what we have in our 60 liter back packs and headed out to town. Our first stop was for a little critter snack…. I ate a snake!
Others had spiders, scorpions and worms as well. We then walked around for a bit, scoping out the area. These streets were full of travelers, a tourist attraction! Much different experience than Africa, we were surrounded by westerners and the scene was loud and very busy.
We all spent the night dancing, laughing and having an incredibly fun and spontaneous night. In this short moment of fun, we sure forgot why we were here in the first place. For a split second it felt as though I was on vacation, or just out for the night with a couple friends. We were quickly reminded of our purpose here in Cambodia..and God wanted to make that clear.
As we were preparing to go back to Our hostel, a couple people were standing in line waiting to order rolled ice cream as an end of the night treat. My mind was elsewhere. As I was walking over to the group, my eyes wandered to an older women with a baby girl sitting in the middle of the street. They didn’t say anything but our eyes locked on one another. It was as though I suddenly had tunnel vision and they were the focus in the middle of all the chaos.As I stood in line with my friends, I couldn’t stop looking back, there was a strong tug on my heart to go to her. I told Nicole I would be over there when she was done, I had to go say hello. As I walked over my heart raced and I had no idea what I was going to say or if she even spoke English… she didn’t, but it wasn’t needed. I started to interact with the baby! It started with giggles and ended with her reaching for me and sitting in my lap in the middle of the street.
This precious child was clung to me! Even as her momma tried to motion for her to come back to her, this baby’s hold on me got tighter and tighter. The lady smiled, giving me confirmation we could continue to play. I quickly realized that she was not wearing a diaper, her bum was all wet and she smelt like pee, but I didn’t care. This little baby, covered in pee and dirt stole my heart and the only thing I could think about is “how can I help them?”Without thinking much at all I took out $5 USD and told her to buy more formula for the little one and food for herself. She understood what I said because she quickly refused my money and opened a fresh new can of formula she had just opened. I insisted she take it and buy more! She hesitated and gave a small forced smile. Her reaction was not what I expected, her smile was flat, she gave me a look of hurt and discomfort. Within moments I was suddenly being told I had to leave, that I was being fooled and that a man was lurking around us.
I became upset, I didn’t want to leave yet, I felt like I was getting somewhere with this sweet lady. I felt like I had no say, and hesitantly attempted to return the baby. She instantly started to cry, holding onto my shirt, hair, skin… whatever she could get her little fingers locked around. My heart was breaking, I didn’t know what to do! If my squad mate was right, then who was I handing this baby over to?! Was it really her mother? Or was it just someone using a cute innocent baby girl for their own advantage to receive money.My friends had to help pry her little hands off from around my neck and place her back in this women’s fragile hands. I didn’t want to leave, I honestly wanted to take her and run far far away!! But instead we all dropped to our knees and asked if we could pray for them. She accepted and we prayed loud, we prayed hard and we pleaded with God to take care of His precious daughter. As I gave my last goodbyes and rose from the dirty street, I wiped my pee covered hands on my sweaty jeans, and I suddenly locked eyes with a man in the crowd that had formed around us. He quickly grabbed a couple kids and took off. His eyes were cold, but he looked like a normal guy in the crowd.
I walked away blubbering. The tears wouldn’t stop pouring down my face, it was uncontrollable! The whole way home I was so confused, trying to replay everything that had just happened. It started and was over so quickly I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. How did this sweet interaction turn into such a horrible reality. It was a slap in the face, a wake up call to remeber ministry is never over, it should always come first no matter what.
When we got back, the big group of us gathered. I asked so many questions, because I was distracted with the baby I had missed what had actually happened. I was told that while I was playing, a group of children had gathered around us. These kids had earlier approached a couple of my squad mates asking them to buy baby formula. And they so graciously did so (Assuming this is the formula the lady had shown me she just received). When they were leaving the store, one of the members of our group noticed a man lingering around but he didn’t think too much into it. It wasn’t until they were playing with these kids once more while I was with the baby; that Jon had once again spotted the same man lingering. As they played, he kept his eyes on this man. He watched as he took money from kids hands, yelled at them and pushed them back into the crowd of tourists to beg for more…Jon suddenly realized what he was witnessing; this was a sick man using kids to benefit himself, whatever means he could use to get what he wanted.. this was the moment he realized this man was not only working these kids, but also the sweet woman and baby I was engrossed in interaction with.
My heart broke. How could any human being use a CHILD in such a way, not only to manipulate people on the streets but to mistreat these kids that don’t know any better. This poor baby was being used as a pawn… who knows if that woman holding her was even her mother. My heart aches thinking about how there was nothing I could do to save this babygirl. I felt useless, I felt betrayed and I felt like I failed. My immediate reaction was hate. I hated this man, but what I hated even more was thinking about what happened in this mans life that led him down such a terrible path. A road that made him so desperate and heartless to be able to stomach treating children in such a cruel way. I questioned why God would allow someone like this to exist?! I was lost, I was angry and I still cry to this day thinking back to that night.
It has been almost 2 months since that night on Pub Street and as emotional as I get thinking about it, moving in to our host family in Thailand has helped me process. I didn’t have words to describe this night, I didn’t think I could talk about this man without spewing out every cuss word possible. But as I have spent time on the farm and talking with Pat who is driven by the holt spirit I am reminded that everyone has a story, everyone has a choice, and everyone needs Jesus. This month we are living with ex-convicts. Pat takes young adults into his home to provide them with stability, teach them trade skills, farming and introduce them to Jesus. Pat fights for these youth to have a new start!! how Incredibl. Evil is driven by the absence of the Lord. I no longer am just upset that I couldn’t help that babygirl, but I wish I had the heart then to want to disciple the man with the cold eyes, just waiting for a way out. I will continue to pray for that baby girl’s safety, but I will also now be praying for this man to find salvation in Christ and turn his life around as well. Everyone needs Jesus, and everyone deserves love, especially those who are hard to love.
I couldn’t find the words to tell this story before, and I honestly think God needed me to meet Pat first, I needed to get a different perspective, I needed to look at what happened in a different light . I am forever grateful for the inspiration this month has been for all of F squad. A fire was lit within our squad and I am so excited to see what comes from it!!
