This is a journal entry from September 27th. We spent the morning talking about God’s calling on our lives, and about being baptized by the fire of the Spirit. This was a morning when I truly felt God’s love for me. I felt it. It was so real. This journal entry is real. Use your imagination and take what you want.
“I was sitting in my chair and I wanted to say yes but I felt something holding me back.
It was another big step and I wanted to say yes but something was holding me back.
But I wanted to be marked by the Holy Spirit fire and I wanted to say yes.
So I stood up and went to the front and I said yes.
I sat down on the floor.
My knees on the floor and I leaned over and suddenly there were tears.
Overwhelming.
Baptism means to be overwhelmed but this wasn’t water it was fire but it wasn’t burning yet.
‘Yes God.
I don’t know what all this means but yes.
I’ve seen what this looks like and I want to look like that.
I’ll go wherever you want.
I’ll do it.
Change me right here.’
I’m rocking back and forth.
Okay.
I’m okay, I just said yes.
And Kacie feels the love God had for us and she’s crying and she’s never felt like this before.
We’re all sprawled across a tile floor in Guatemala and a waterfall of love starts to pour over us.
I changed how I was sitting— my legs are in front of me and I’m looking forward.
And I put my hands in front of me.
And I’m in the throne room.
There’s a golden throne in front of me—everything is golden and shiny and there’s green emeralds.
But wait, my hands—they’re on fire.
They’re burning.
I see holes in my wrists.
It’s like Jesus.
I died too.
There’s the holt spirit in my hands.
My hands are on fire.
I look up.
I’m singing while sitting in front of the throne and Jesus comes down and sits in front of me and grabs my hands and holds them.
I’m praying out loud.
I want to write this love on my heart.
I haven’t felt good enough and I want this identity on my heart and I start speaking Truth.
God loves me.
He says I’m enough.
I’m not how people have treated me. I
I’m holding the hands of Jesus.
Hannah speaks.
We’re at the throne room.
We open the doors.
Imagine the glory.
Imagine the glory.
Jesus is there and He’s strong and He’s a warrior and His hair is a mess and He looks at us with all this love and He looks only at us.
There’s fire in his eyes.
His eyes are green.
There’s fire.
He’s mighty and powerful and strong and He loves us.
And He’s proud.
Brooke speaks.
We’re at the gates of heaven.
We all run inside and Jesus is waiting.
He meets us and rejoices.
Can the Guatemalan children come too?
I want to play and dance with them in heaven.
I’m back on the floor, holding Jesus’ hands.
I’m wearing white.
He’s comforting me, looking me in the eyes telling me my worth.
I’m not how people treated me.
Even if they treated me like dirt.
I’m enough.
I’m more than enough.
There’s so much Truth.
Everyone is singing.
Prophecy.
Truth.
Love.
This is heaven.
I’m on the floor, holding Jesus’ hands.
And this feels like love.
This is love.
This is what love feels like.”
– haven
