I recently posted this song by Jenn Johnson. I recommend giving it a listen in conjunction to this blog post.
I have journeyed out past the Shore (literally – Gulf Shores) and I have been beautifully and scarily IN OVER MY HEAD ever since the moment my feet left the soil.
I have been through breathtaking moments of beauty, and moments when I felt like I couldn’t breathe because I am so far out of my depth, and the waves keep coming.
I held my breath for the first few months – thinking “This is hard because it’s unfamiliar. Just hold on!”
In over my head.
Month 3-4 I held my breath as my family back home experienced the deepest loss – my grandmother slowly, yet too quickly, declined. She was the backbone of my extended family and we were very close. She was more than my mother’s mom. She was the friend that helped bring wisdom – to navigate me through the worst of storms.
Lost my storm-rudder.
Month 5 the actual loss of my grandma was like being tossed against the rocks, then riding through some rapids. The loss felt like a punch to the stomach, and a slap in the face. A constant adrenaline rush of survival. Yet, my new team provided a buoy for me – a little yellow water craft of support while the World Race rushed on.
Month 6-7 Debris after the storm.
All the cargo I had carried – my junk, my crap, my valuables (such as identity and worth) and even the wooden planks which had held me together – everything floated to the surface. Exposed. Ripped apart. “Shredded”. An aerial view of my soul would show unidentifiable objects floating in calm waters. The sun, shining, as if nothing has ever happened, as if the storm was an imaginary occurrence, and this mess has always been here – in this cove, with waves lapping at the shore.
The truth is that this mess HAS always been here. It’s just been bottled up in a “functional” container. I long ago set sail empty and full of hope. How each piece of “cargo” has come aboard my ship is part of my story. But God. He’s my captain. He will sort through the bobbing rubble and tell me what to keep. And what to leave behind.
New Beginnings
“For what it’s worth… it’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same. There are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you’ve never felt before. I hope you meet people who have a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start over again.” – F. Scott Fitzgerald
I’m not starting over, I’m beginning again. And there’s a huge difference.
Prayer Requests:
- Wholeness & Rest
- Full Funding
- Divine Appointments
- Protection (physical, mental, spiritual, emotional)
- WISDOM
- Connection, as the field can be super isolating (Take a moment to also pray for any “long-termers” you know on the field!)
THANK YOU
- To my Monthly Donors: YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! You rock. And I pray for you every time the HS brings you to mind. Which is often, & sometimes all hours of the night. Your generosity and commitment puts me on my face before the Lord. THANK YOU.
- To the people who Requested Raps/Donated: I cannot explain to you how fun and life-giving your assignments were! I hope you enjoy listening to the raps as much as my team and I loved writing & filming them! Thank you for your donation & partnership!!
The Avowal
by Denise Levertov
As swimmers dare
to lie face to the sky
and water bears them,
as hawks rest upon air
and air sustains them,
so would I learn to attain
free fall, and float
into Creator Spirit’s deep embrace,
knowing no effort earns
that all-surrounding grace.
