Finally. I’ve picked up journaling. But it wasn’t some contagious habit, or a personality change.
No.
It’s a habit I’ve tried to pick up for years – decades, even.
Never do I record every activity, or every thought that I think. That is too overwhelming. Rather, I tend to write down conversations – notes learned from others, quotes from the literature I’m reading at the time, Bible verses that have impacted me.
How did this habit (FINALLY) begin?
Well, I read a book – a devotional – called The Art of Listening Prayer and WOW.
It has changed the way I do “quiet time” (which, in Christian culture, is a designated or intentional time one might take daily to pray and read scripture – “quieting” one’s mind to allow God to speak).
Before, I would struggle and fight for this designated time, never truly getting a routine down and never really seeing any reason to continue to fight for it, either. No miraculous changes were happening in my mind or heart or life. And it was just a struggle every time I tried. I gave up. Journaling just isn’t for me. I’ll read a Bible verse a day and think about it. That is enough.
Yet, I subliminally was noticing – the Great People – men and women of God that I so admired – they all had an extensive amount of time alone with God. “You’re on to something!” My insides screamed at me.
“I want to have that sort of alone time with you, God! But you know I don’t do mornings and the days are too busy. I do love sunrises, though. I’ll get up tomorrow and meet you on the roof of our North African house. There’s a pretty good view up there and we can talk.”
The next morning I snoozed my alarm. From my bedroom window I could see a small patch of the sky in oranges and pinks that were rare for the usually cloudy morning. I rolled over.
Later that morning, when my alarm went off again for our morning meeting, I felt an odd mixture of disappointment and grace. There was no condemnation. I was still loved unconditionally. But I felt like I had skipped out on a free ticket to the zoo, or an opportunity to prescreen a Marvel movie.
A couple of days later I was crying – emotionally drained, spiritually exhausted, I inwardly cried out during a group worship/prayer time.
“Abba, why am I so empty & exhausted?! I’m reading scripture and praying and worshipping and serving you. I should feel full! What is this feeling?”
In my mind’s eye, I saw a picture. I’ll try to describe it. It was like a bee hive – a huge paper-mache sort of natural jar or container. At the bottom was a hole. I knew that the large jar was “me”, and the reason I was so empty was because of the hole. Anything you put into the jar would leak out! “What’s this hole, Abba?! What’s missing???”
I heard one word. Discipline.
Wow.
He was so right. Without discipline I was leaking out all the good. I needed routine time with God. I needed discipline times in the morning or I wouldn’t have the strength to continue on this journey around the world. And not just this journey, I knew that if I was going to go “farther in and farther up” (C.S. Lewis) I would have to master this sunrise quiet time.
So I set my alarm.
And the next morning I got up with a sense of determination that I’ve never felt in the mornings before. And I watched the sun rise.
It was GLORIOUS.
I repeated this habit almost every day while in that house and have watched many beautiful sunrises with my Abba & King.
I feel closer to Him – every day. Just a little step towards him. The wooing of a king is not something to be done in a day. It’s not a transaction to be performed. The heart of a King is hidden – deep in the recesses of mystery and Truth. And yet He invites us closer. “Seek Me and you would find Me.” He promises to be found by me if I would only seek Him more. So I do. Daily, I converse with him. I talk to Him. I love Him.
And I feel full.
————————————————
One of the downsides to traveling the world is missing out on life events at home – birthdays and anniversaries have come and gone and the world keeps on spinning
I am so happy to announce the arrival of my first nephew!! Eli – born 10/20/18 – over 2 weeks overdue. I have been on the edge of my seat for about a month waiting for this little guy!! I was able to video chat my family and my sweet little baby boy. Only 8 months until I can hold him and explain in person why I’m the bestest Aunt ever and should be his favorite.
————————————————
THANK YOU for supporting me! I pray God blesses you beyond belief!!
Only $7,269 USD left to Fully Funded! *WHOOP WHOOP – PARTAY*
