I’ve felt the innate pressure to continue sharing words of hope with those willing to listen for the last week, and at the same time couldn’t muster up anything that flowed in a way I approved of. I’ve become aware of just how much unnecessary pressure I place on myself in several different entities. I do not believe that God calls us to this state of being by any means, but have struggled to understand what the scriptures mean when they explicitly tell us to remain joyful, regardless of the circumstances.
Since Adam and Eve walked this earth, there have been darkness, evil spirits, destruction, death, unfair circumstances… the list goes on and on. For all of human history this dwelling place has not been operating in the original intent placed by God. Because of man’s desire taking a stronger threshold than that of the Lord, we’ve been sinning for a very long time. Because of sin, there are unexplainable hardships in the lives of those who believe in the resurrection of Jesus Christ, and also those who do not. There are wars, people battling cancer, souls lost in human trafficking and a pandemic that has affected every person on this planet. So how in the world are we expected to remain in a posture of joy?
I realized on Monday that when I doubt the goodness of God, every aspect of my life suffers. By result, I am ruled by a spirit of doubt and fear. And that was definitely what was manifesting in my heart. As soon as I landed in Detroit on Wednesday night, I finally broke down. I felt very frustrated, bitter, angry and hurt. Everything that I had invested into this season of life had been scrapped in an instant, while I was still following God. I was at a total loss.
God wants to meet us where we are, He is not afraid of those hard questions, and is ready to forgive quickly. But in order to gain any substantial fruit from being in His presence, we have to lay down anything that is not of Him. My feelings were valid, but not meant to take root.
Some scriptures that I ran to, and have meditated on are;
“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” -Philippians 4:11-13
“In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one;’ -Ephesians 6:16
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kind, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing….Blessed in the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.” -James 1:2-4,12
‘In all circumstances…’ Not just the ones where there is a transactional consequence for a time that I messed up. Even during the hardships that I never saw coming.
I’m being edified to understand that my life’s mission as a Christian, pursuing holiness is more about living in faith during the valleys, as opposed to preaching when I’m on the mountain top. And that sobering realization has yielded joy. Joy is a gift and only the Giver can bless it according to His divine will. It is not something we can tell ourselves to feel, but instead is acquired as a result of submission and faith in the power of our savior Jesus Christ.
I’ve been so blessed to be a missionary in a dozen different countries over the last year and a half. While that chapter of my life has ended, a little earlier than planned, this lifelong mission in my homeland has just begun.
Please reach out with any intentional prayer requests. I’m spending a significant amount of time every day with the Lord, and it would certainly be an honor to lift anyone, especially those who have supported this great pilgrim, up in prayer.
From glory to glory…
-Hannah
