I’m writing y’all from Novi Sad, Serbia, which means I’m officially in month 7 of the race! It’s April, and I will be home at the end of August, so crazy! Somedays it feels like I’ve been here for years, and then others… not so much! With every month brings new adventure and growth.
Something I’ve been walking through a lot, lately, is learning what it means to be truly authentic.
I don’t have a problem being vulnerable; sharing what hardships I’ve overcome. But being transparent is a whole other story. Because doing that requires talking about the struggles that I am still carrying. The one’s I don’t know the answers to. Image used to be a huge idol in my life. Regardless of what was going on inside, I always wanted the outside to look perfect. I knew how to hustle hard, and look presentable. Noise was my muse.
But in this season, God has encouraged me to sit in silence. Stillness. Something I honestly didn’t think I could do. Because in these moments I have to be 100% real, with both myself and God. He is opening wounds I didn’t know still existed. He is showing me experiences that I have not taken ownership for yet. He is showing me that I still need to forgive a lot … mostly myself.
I thought taking a fast from Instagram would fix my comparison and image issues. But, I’ve done this many times, and it never works. Instead of cutting out, He is showing me to learn balance. To learn control. To learn honesty.
I don’t want to run from didn’t totally believe I had the ability to do before coming on the race. I thought He only came in an audible form and with a powerful voice. But that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
He is in the sunshine on a day I really miss my family. He’s in the bike with flowers on the street. He’s in the advice from a stranger who doesn’t know my life. He’s in the stories of the Israelites throughout the Old Testament. And most importantly to me, the quiet whisper on a still morning. The one telling me everything will be ok. And to JUST TRUST ME.
Living authentically means knowing that my worth is in Christ, and being 100% ok with the woman He’s created me to be. It means telling the world I struggle a lot. And there are days I have little faith. But having a little faith means that I still have (a little) faith. And like it says in Matthew 17:20, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.”
Being authentic means that I know and seek full dependency on God, my father. Because I’m not meant to do this life alone.
