I’ve had a hard time trying to write a blog the past couple of weeks. I’m changing. It’s uncomfortable. I’m realizing things I idolized my whole life aren’t that important. I’m learning that I don’t need much to be happy.
Before the race, I never read the Bible much. I never understood what people meant they said it was, ‘alive.’ I thought, ‘how could a book written thousands of years ago relate to my life?’ I let those who spoke critical of the word dictate my motivation to dive in. It’s easy to look at things one doesn’t agree with as a victim. I did that for a long time. I focused on the ‘rules’ that deprived me from what I wanted in the Bible. I didn’t want to submit to a way of life that didn’t fully serve me. And well I was wrong. I was selfish. I thought it was all about me.
In the last 31 days, I’ve read 105 chapters in the Bible. It wasn’t something that I was forced to do on the race, but I wanted to give it a try. I was a bit envious of my friends who regularly read the word. They trusted God more. They heard him more. So I thought I’d try it for a month and see if anything changed in me.
I can honestly say that I have never been so close to the Lord. I’m learning who He truly is. He is grace. He is mercy. He is love. At the beginning of the month I didn’t get much out of my daily reading. It was even hard to understand. But I knew I had to be obedient to God. I had to keep trying. And then this week when I opened the book, I heard Him for the first time.
I had been struggling with this change in me. I didn’t totally feel like myself. I was beginning to fear going home. I didn’t think my loved ones would understand who I was becoming. I prayed to God and asked if there was anything He wanted me to hear, that he would reveal it to me. I picked up in Exodus 4. The current context involved God telling Moses to ask the corrupt Pharaoh to let his people go. Moses felt weak. He said in chapter 4, “…But, behold, they will not believe me, nor hearken unto my voice, for they will say, the The Lord hath not appeared unto thee.” I felt Moses on a very real level. But the Lord countered that and said in lines 11 and 12, “… who hath made man’s mouth? Or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? Have not I the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say.” The Lord is powerful and the one with the answers. He has the ability to speak through us to reach those that need to hear from Him. I could feel the Holy Spirit light up in my heart. The Lord has just directly spoken to me through that reading. Some could speculate coincidence, but I choose to hold onto faith. I know that He had answered my prayer in such a beautiful and pure way. I can’t explain the peace that then came over me.
This is just one recent time the Lord has been able to reach me. I’ve decided that I want to live a life where I’m on my knees surrendering to Him, every day. I want to live a life where I’m not on a quest to fulfill my wants, but answer His kingdom needs. I’m along for whatever direction He pulls me.
Thank you all for your continued prayers. I won’t have a great ability to reach WiFi this month. It is unreliable. I will try my best to keep the best contact I can! Y’all are in my daily prayers. xo
