it seems like i’m preparing a lot these days.
graduation, summer, fundraising, the world race, leaving home.
and it’s all hitting me like a giant tidal wave.
but i’m ready to come up for air.
~
i’ve been lucky enough to be able to talk to my squad and get to know them months before we even meet at training camp. God definitely had all of our hearts in mind when He brought us together. i love being able to talk about our struggles, our successes, giving each other much needed encouragement, and lots of laughs. we’ve become a long distance family who hasn’t met each other yet. i’m so grateful for this time i’ve been able to talk to them. but as i get to know them more and leaving gets closer and closer, the reality of the epic change my life is preparing to go through hits me.
i was just recently talking with a friend about some feelings i was having towards saying some hard goodbyes. that manifested into a million other feelings rushing to the surface. but he said something that’s stuck with me. he said that these “goodbyes” aren’t necessarily goodbyes, they’re just growing. possibly growing farther apart.
the truth is, while my excitement for the future is bubbling out of me, there’s still some fear and sadness. don’t get me wrong, i’m ecstatic to be done with high school. i’m burnt out on papers, tests and homework. i can’t express how excited i am to turn in my last paper and project of high school tomorrow. but the thing i’m not so ecstatic about… all the goodbyes. not the “see ya laters”, but the actual goodbyes i’ll be saying. the sad truth is that i’ll be saying goodbye to a lot of sweet friendships. but with each one i’ll be sending them off with my prayers and hopes for their happy life.
to the people i pass in the hallways and occasionally say “hey!” to. the boy i’ve had math with for the past 4 years but never got to know. the random conversation with the girl who sits next to you about the weirdest thing you both noticed in class. the substitute teacher i always recognize but can’t for the life of me remember his name. to my last locker. thank you for an incredible 4 years. thank you for giving me 4 years that helped me get to where i am right now. thank you for helping me realize no matter how much i will it to happen, i’ll always be the girl who looks comfortable in her leggings/running shorts, t shirt and birks. it’s inevitable, i’ll never be stylish. but thanks for making me comfortable in my own skin. from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
i’m excited to graduate high school. i’m excited to start officially “adulting”. i’m excited to travel the world for 9 months and serve the Lord. i’m excited.
i’m a little scared. i’m a little sad.
luckily there’s this guy named Jesus who loves us. and there’s this God who protects you, forgives you when you make mistakes and lifts you up when you fall.
sure, i’m scared sometimes. but a little bit of fear won’t stop me from serving the Lord. a little bit of fear won’t stop me from living the life Jesus paid for me. while these feelings can be grueling, scary, and tear invoking, i’m ready. God has equipped me to go out into the world. He’s spent these past 18 years preparing me for this journey, and He’ll spend the next however many years preparing me for my NEXT journey!
here’s to the start of a beautiful, jesus-filled, adventurous, vulnerable, and goofy future.
