The first time I heard that the Holy Spirit was a gentleman, it had a strange ring to it. At the time I had honestly never really entertained the idea that He was, in fact, His own being, with His own role, His own personality, etc. I greatly misunderstood Him. As He has been slowly revealing more and more of Himself to me, I’ve found this to be true over and over, that He is, in fact, a gentleman.
The other night a Brazilian friend of mine was telling me about growing up in both New Jersey and Brazil. She spared no emotions as she explained that while she didn’t overtly hate the US, she cared very little for our culture, our fast-paced way of life, our foods, our styles, and the rest. In order to be with family and continue with schooling at 23, she decided to move to America for a time while impatiently waiting for Him to open the door to move back to Brazil. When He never did, she struggled. Her heart, her goal, and her plans were elsewhere, but the LoRd finally asked her to make a decision between His or her “best.” His plan was America. Her plan was Brazil. While she had the freedom to pick, He was ready for her to quit teeter-tottering so they could move on, wherever it may be. In time she wisely decided to stick with His best!
Having been in that boat more than once, we bonded over similar experiences of being in one place (geographically or metaphorically) and desiring to be in another. We also bonded in appreciating that the Holy Spirit gives us the freedom to choose and patiently waits for us – hopefully to come around to His way of thinking. He is never forceful but always gracious… He never pushes His way of thinking but welcomes us back when we stray. In the softest and gentlest of whispers, He shares with us exactly what He desires for us to do, but it’s necessary for us to get out of our own way. It isn’t until we get on board with His plan that He reveals why. It’s after we take the leap of faith. Confirmation follows obedience, not the other way around. Though my obedience of going through with the World Race wasn’t immediate, there has definitely been confirmation that this is what He wants me to do.
In preparing for the race, there have been so many times I’ve found myself asking why. Why the race? Why not Africa, the place containing so many of my dreams and goals and the place away from home I find most comfort? Why not a season of settling into a job hopefully a little closer to family? Why a missions’ trip to multiple places I’m unfamiliar with that will inevitably end in painful goodbyes? Why missions at all? Why me, LoRd?
Strangely enough He answered some of my questions the other night while reliving a bit of my childhood by watching Pocahontas … (Be careful to not put God in a box! With Mary He used angels, with others He speaks through people, and with me He used Disney of all things … ironic, right?) I remembered watching this movie countless times as a kid, always appreciating the two cultures clashing together. At six I remember being fascinated by and appreciating the adventurous and courageous personality of Pocahontas, the simplistic way of life in the woods, the Native American traditions, and the ignorant ways of the white man.
In looking back on all the family history, the places I was raised, and the environments I’ve found myself in, it’s never made sense where my passion for other cultures or missions came from. But it wasn’t till watching that movie that I realized He created me this way. He intricately wove a passion for His people and His nations within every fiber of my being. He created me uniquely with an insatiable desire to GO. But He is the one who has continued to open the doors and make it possible. So while I’m still waiting for answers to a lot of questions, I continuously do all I can to get on board with His plan. He has blessed each step or leap of faith I’ve made with incredible peace and confirmation.
He is the most patient teacher. He is the most gentle leader. He is consistently gracious and the best shoulder to lean on. He spends a great deal of time working things together for my good. And He is the epitome of love.
A life spent getting to know Him and following Him around is not one I imagine regretting.
