I have lived hell on Earth. And I don’t ever want to go back there.
I don’t really know what came first, the alcoholism or the depression. Either way both diseases were eating away at my soul. For me, living hell on Earth looked something like this…
It was stumbling to bed wondering if I’ll die in my sleep from alcohol poisoning. It was waking up in the afternoon hungover, realizing that I missed my morning classes or sometimes even missed shifts at work. It was feeling hungry and finding an empty fridge. I spent my money drinking rather than eating. I worked two jobs just to support what exactly? Everything I made, I squandered away on my vices or my relationships. Living hell is not picking up my family’s phone call because I was drunk. It was missing out on precious moments because I became a drunkard too ashamed to face anyone who actually loved me. Speaking of love, living hell is being with someone who I thought loved me. But, in reality I was just letting myself be used. The feeling of hell made me sit in a bathtub several times thinking of ways to end life.
One day, maybe I’ll share how I got to such a dark place. What I know is that, God is real and prayers are powerful. Prayers from my family especially those from my parents protected me. And, regardless of my living hell, I had this deep feeling of longing that pushed me to keep searching for something GOOD. It made me resilient. You see, I grew up with the seeds of Jesus planted in my heart. And it was those seeds that kept a light shining within me. However dim it might have been during a dark season, it was a light that couldn’t be snuffed out. What was my soul longing for? Hope in Jesus’ Name.
In the cities we’ll be ministering to during this mission trip there are young children of God who are orphans. They may also be oppressed by the same feelings of being lonely, unwanted, and unworthy just as I had. Feelings that led me to wander in the dark. They might end up taking the same road I did or worse. Are the seeds of Jesus planted in their hearts? In their darkest moments will they know that there’s a light living inside of them?
These children need to know that in a harsh and cruel world, there is HOPE found in Jesus who saves and redeems. With Jesus, they can fight their battles from a place of victory. I want to hold them and tell them that they are deeply loved and so valuable. I want them to know that regardless of where the world has taken them, God has a plan for prosperity in this life and for all eternity. I want to rejoice with them! Because no matter what, we can rejoice in God who never forsakes us. When they’re weeping, they don’t weep alone. God is with them! His pure and perfect light casts out the darkness of living hell.
Is my life perfect now? No, perfection in this world is impossible. Are my decisions always good? No, I still struggle at times with my flesh and temptation. Do I still experience hell on Earth? At times it might seem like it, but I’m convicted, disciplined, and sustained by the power and authority of salvation through the precious blood of Jesus. Am I now living Heaven on Earth?…
Absolutely!
If I listed down all the things in my life that proves that I’m living Heaven on Earth, then I’d be writing a book, not a blog! Or, maybe my next blog will be titled “Living Heaven.” — or maybe I will just write a book one day!
I believe that we have the choice to see the world through Spiritual Eyes that witness Heaven on Earth, rather than the darkness of hell on Earth. I’m grateful every day for the seeds, the wisdom, the teachings that compassionate people in my life planted within me. I’m grateful that I was given a chance to make a choice that saved me. But, these children might never have the chance to make that choice for themselves. They could end up hopelessly lost for eternity. I don’t know about you…but I can’t let that happen. It’s up to us to make a difference not just for this life, but for eternity. My pastor, Kenneth Estrada said it perfectly, “they might stray, they might turn the other way. But, they can come back because they were taught.”
For ALL the children living all over the world, please pray for them. Most are in a spiritual battle that they don’t even know they’re in. If you have it in your heart to donate, please do. Your giving sows seeds in the hearts of many! It gives children a chance to experience Heaven on Earth. It does make a difference!
