Recently in Quito Ecuador, the “Fusion” squad I am traveling with met up with two other “Gap Year” squads, all part of Adventures in Missions. We were blessed to stay at a local church for four days. The time we had together here was called “The Awakening”. During these four days we were rejuvenated through prayer, worship, and bonding with fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. At The Awakening, there were groups who oversaw different aspects of the weekend including, hospitality, worship, intercession, and evangelism. I was chosen to be in charge of leading worship. I was excited, and very nervous at the same time. There would be over 100 people at every worship session, and I had never played in front of that many people or even sang into a microphone before. I was nervous, at least at the time that’s all I thought it was; I didn’t realize it was so much more. I was afraid of failing, afraid of others thinking anything negative about me, or thinking less of me than who I truly am. But regardless of what I felt or thought, I had to go on. Regardless of the want to hide and take the easy way out, regardless of the desire to step back and have someone else lead, I had to face this.
So I stepped up and moved forward.
I was the only able bodied man from our squad for worship, due to an unexpected broken arm. I was able to work with a few people from the other squads who led worship. We didn’t have much time, so we got a group together to play for the evening, picked songs, and got down to business. Right before I stepped up to begin the worship for the evening, a fellow teammate shared some wisdom with me. He told me that I’m just leading people into His presence. I just had to make sure I sang the opening lines, and the people would follow. They know the songs. He said it doesn’t matter how well you sing, because it’s not about you, it’s about God. God doesn’t care how well you sing. It’s about what’s going on in your heart, and remembering that you are leading others into the Father’s heart. He said you’re going to do great. These words brought me so much peace. However, I still had butterflies that quivered my stomach, and had a feat in front of me to conquer. As we stepped up to start the evening, I looked out at all the people, and remembered my teammates words. A fellow teammate from El Salvador, got the crowd amped up and sang a song in Spanish. After the crowd was ready we went into the rest of the evening. I just started playing and singing. It went very well, but I felt awful the whole time. I was so unsettled, I was barely containing the shaking inside of me.
My friend was right. Just lead them, and they will follow. Luckily, my voice didn’t give out, praise God. But quite honestly, I was happy when the last song came, because then I could relax. The butterflies didn’t leave afterwards, but I had a good time of reflection. This was a trial for me. It broke down so many insecurities going through this. I had so much less fear stepping up the next morning, and each and every time after that. My confidence increased every time I faced my fears and stepped out into doing what I trembled at the thought of doing. Now I know, I don’t have to fear. There’s no reason to.
So often, we let our fears control our lives. They keep us from living in complete freedom and joy. “The Spirit God gave us is not a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control.” 2 Timothy 1:7. Don’t let the fear of what others think of you, the fear of failing, or whatever you fear, define you. You are not defined by what you think of yourself, or what others think. Granted, you can give those thoughts power and let them shape your life, but that’s not who you truly are. You are defined by what God thinks of you. He loves just you as you are. He knows every part of you; from the number of hairs of your head, to your deepest darkest secret. Regardless of what you think is flawed, He still loves you fiercely and beyond all comprehension. All the worries of the world are stripped away in His love. Know that you are seen, and your cries don’t go unheard. You’re His son, His daughter, and He isn’t going to let you go. There is so much more to life than the everyday mundane. But you won’t experience it if you keep fighting and resisting God’s love for you. You have to lay down your weapon and see what it means to have real life, and life to fullest. To have purpose, hope, joy, peace, and love thy never ends.
