The World Race has been an unforgettable experience that I’ll never forget. The Lord has grown me in so many ways and I am not the same. Though the season of the Race is over that doesn’t mean I’m going back to how life used to be. By the grace of God, I want to use all that I’ve learned these past nine months to shape the rest of my life for the glory of God
I went on the Race in obedience to the Lord’s call and in order to bring Him glory. But what’s wonderful about serving the Lord is that He gives so much in return. I want to share what I’ve learned in the hopes that it will encourage me and you. If you’ve been keeping up with my blogs a lot of this may be familiar to you. If not, this will be a a great way to catch up on what the Lord has been teaching me these nine months.
GUATEMALA
Evangelism
During month 1 two of the biggest things I started stepping into were courage and confidence. As a perfectionist I’ve struggled with a fear of failure my whole life. I am afraid of doing new things because I don’t want to mess up. When I’m going into a situation that makes me uncomfortable I get anxious over all the “what ifs.” My ministry months 1-3 dealt largely with street evangelism (something I’d never done before) and I was terrified. I stressed over what to say and to whom. I had a huge weight on my shoulders. What if I said the wrong thing and it didn’t impact the listener? But as I stepped out into the uncomfortable time and time again trusting that the Lord was directing my steps and my words, I became more confident. I learned that doing ministry shouldn’t create pressure on me. For the work I’m doing is the Lord’s. I cannot change or create receptiveness in a heart. Only God can. All I can do is be obedient to step out in faith and speak unashamed. Ministry should be a privilege not a pressure.
Miracle-working
Month 2 rolled around I began to learn more about my identity and the authority I have as a child of God. This is something I’ve been wrestling with for much of the Race, and no matter where my theology ends up, I’m beginning to realize the power that I have. I am meant to be the representative of Christ to all people that I meet. The Lord has given me authority to pray miraculous prayers. Praying in faith (for a miracle) isn’t about saying the right words or working up enough belief that the Lord will move. Praying in faith involves knowing the will of God and letting the Holy Spirit work through you. This kind of prayer is sometimes frightening for me because it involves stepping out and sometimes gives the appearance of unanswered prayer or failure. But as I grew more sure of my identity I stopped bothering about whether a miracle appeared to happen or not. That’s in God’s hands not my own. My job is to obediently come before Him and pray in faith and confidence
Living Intentionally
Because of all this growth and stretching and discomfort I was facing by the time month 3 arrived I was having to rely on the Lord daily. It was His strength empowering me with boldness to get through each day in obedience. My intimacy with the Lord grew a ton as a result of this dependence on Him. I also started to learn more about being intentional with my time; everything I do should be done for a purpose, glorifying the Lord and building up myself and the church in Christ. So, I spent this month spending a lot of time alone worshiping and meditating on the Lord for the purpose of finding rest, peace, joy, and whatever the Lord might want to give me. And when I spent time in community I didn’t do so out of boredom or a desire to feel loved. I did so to love on others and create unity and fellowship and a culture of up-building.
ASIA
God’s Plan Has a Purpose
Month 4 I arrived in Thailand with a blood clot. For that reason I had to stay back from ministry in Chiang Mai while all of my team (save Joe who stayed with me) went to Chiang Dao to start ministry. I wasn’t able to do anything but sit on my laptop for about a week. I had to learn patience and trust as I waited for healing. I felt useless and couldn’t understand why the Lord had put me there. I eventually got to Chiang Dao once my leg had healed but I had missed more than half the time there. But looking back on that month I can already see a few good reasons that the Lord allowed my blood clot.
Grace and Discipline
Heading into month 5 I was wrestling with the fact that even halfway into the Race, I still fell into temptations and disobedience. As a perfectionist, wrestling with my failures is something I’ve always struggled with. I’ve always tried to overcome those failures by my own self discipline. But this month I realized the depth of my sin (I will always struggle with sin) and the extent to which I need (and will always need) the Lord’s grace. As I meditated on His grace I was filled with an in-explainable sweetness and delight in His presence. It didn’t take away my failures but it gave me a new desire to serve Him. So I dedicated myself to several disciplines and fasts to find sustenance and joy in God alone. I set myself to these disciplines not to create an image of purity and self worth in myself, as I have done before. I set myself to these disciplines to experience more joy in the Lord. And I would rely on God’s sweet grace rather than my own strength or desire.
Freedom In My Identity
With a new perspective of my shortcomings and God’s wonderful grace for me I stepped into a much higher level of vulnerability during month 6. I had seen the depths of my weakness and still felt the Lord’s love; so now I brought my weakness to the light of my brothers with more regularity and confidence. And as I daily let my team in on my defeats and victories the fellowship between us grew. I began to walk more authentically as myself. For much of my life I’ve wrestled with comparison. I am anxious about what others think of me and want to be liked. This has often lead to my comparing myself to others and trying to mimic them. But the Lord has created me just as He wanted me. That doesn’t mean I’m perfect and shouldn’t try to change. But I should find my identity in the Lord and walk authentically in who He is shaping me to be; not who I think others want me to be or how I would rather be. The Lord has made me how I am for a reason and I have things to offer that no one else does. I began to step into these truths this month and therefore began to enjoy the freedom of being myself in the loving community of my team.
SWAZILAND
Enjoying the Lord’s Gifts
Leaving Asia and arriving in Africa at the start of month 7, I ended the fasts I had started in month 5. I had learned a lot about finding satisfaction in the Lord alone but had also wrestled with giving up the things the Lord had given me. This month I focused on glorifying God by enjoying Him. Enjoying Him looked like a lot of different things: reading, playing games, stargazing, watching the sunset, watching movies with friends, meditating on Him, etc. In all these things I recognized that the Lord was the giver of them all and I had a heart of thanksgiving. I didn’t enjoy these things as a distraction or way to simply pass the time but as a way to glorify the Lord by doing and loving what He has gifted me with.
Waiting In Silence
Though I was glorifying God by enjoying the gifts He’d given, by the time month 8 had started I was in the midst of a dry season in regards to my times in the Word of God. Nothing was standing out to me and it just felt pointless. It didn’t fill me with anything that I could tell. I continued to seek Him but it was hard. On top of that I had been praying for weeks that the Lord would give me clarity about my future with missionary piloting. But there had only been silence. No direction for or against it. Through all of this I learned (in a small way) what it means to wait on the Lord. I was waiting and seeking for both direction and for satisfaction in the Word. Eventually my waiting led to a peace in the assurance of His protection, provision, and guidance. He would fill me up and give me direction in His perfect timing. He is leading me even when I don’t feel it.
Future and Present Purposes and Prayers
Once month 9 hit I was full of a great desire for a life of purpose, meaning, and impact. This was largely sparked by the last 8 months of seeking the Lord, serving and seeing Him at work in the world, and reading biographies of great men of faith. Though I was still waiting, I knew that the Lord has a grand purpose for my future as long as I stay obedient to Him. With the end of the Race approaching it was hard to stay present. But if the Lord has a purpose for my future He most certainly has a purpose for my present. He had me there loving on those care point kids for a reason, even if there was very little noticeable or tangible fruit. I also learned that although I can rest in the good plan of God He wants me to pray big prayers that will impact His plans. I can continue to impact these kids of Swaziland by praying fervently in faith for them. Yes, the Lord loves these kids more than I can imagine and has a good plan I can trust. But He is glorified and delighted in my faithful prayers for them and will heed them.
COMING BACK HOME I WILL CONTINUE IN:
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Courage and confidence that the Lord will use me as long as I step out and obey His call.
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Stepping into my identity as a son of God with authority, praying miraculous prayers.
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Seeking intimacy with the Lord as I go about my day, with purpose in all things.
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Listening and obeying God’s voice.
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Patience and trust that the Lord knows what He’s doing even when things don’t go as I expect.
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Acknowledging my weaknesses, and always relying on grace to lead me into further joyful service of the Lord.
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Vulnerability and seeking to create a community of believers that runs hard after the Lord and lives authentically as the Lord is shaping them.
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Delighting in the Lord and being thankful for all His gifts.
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Waiting on God with the assurance that He is my provider and protector.
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Seeking to live a life of purpose where the Lord has put me; trusting that He will lead me to a future of purpose.
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Praying bold prayers to impact the futures of myself and others.
That’s a lot of things to continue in. By no measure of strength can you or I live up to all our hopes, goals, resolutions, etc. But we can seek to live a life directed by God. We will mess up. But keep getting up and lean into His never-ending and all-sustaining grace. He is good and He is worth it.
